


words in my memory

by brokentombstone



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, POV Outsider, Post 4x13 AU, everyone just loves bellarke a lot and they love each other a lot too okay, this is extremely self indulgent and also gushy lol, this is one of those 'everyone sees it' stories, we alternate between bellarke povs during their separation and all the characters around them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27502408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokentombstone/pseuds/brokentombstone
Summary: Because Bellamy and Clarke burned bright. Anyone at the dropship could’ve seen that. They were the shiny heroes, the rest of the 100 just there to prop them up. Murphy realizes that it just means that they had further to fall.--Or;Bellamy and Clarke. Ten outsider perspectives as Clarke and Bellamy fight their way back to one another. Post 413 AU.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 20
Kudos: 118





	words in my memory

**Author's Note:**

> firstly. this is very introspective, from all the characters and there isn't a lot of plot. just a bunch of loosely connected vignettes of everyone's pov on bellarke while also following bellarke's separation post 413.
> 
> secondly idk why i keep writing post 413 aus in 2020 but I hope you enjoy this anyways, it's very dear to me.
> 
> (fyi i used several quotes from the show throughout this but didn't actually look any of them up for exactness...so there are some liberties i guess lol)

**_everyone can see the truth my love, everyone but us. some call us blind, in truth we’re scared beyond belief._ **

* * *

**introduction**

**CLARKE - praimfaya**

When Clarke gains consciousness she’s alone. 

Somehow, she knows at once. It all comes back, hitting her at full force.

 _Don’t wait._ ****

She had told them, she had pleaded. Save yourselves. And they did. But the pain of them leaving is raw and it rips through her. Bellamy, Raven, Monty, Harper, Murphy, Emori, and Echo. Their names are like a mantra, ringing out through her head. She can’t stop thinking about them waiting here, in this lab, for her. The one who could never come. And she sees their faces, their heartbreak when they realize. When Raven has to force them to leave. She thinks it’ll hit her more later, when she has time to process. But for now it’s just a constant pain.

She doesn’t know how long she’s been unconscious on the floor of Becca’s lab, but her mouth feels like a desert and every part of her body aches. She’s still in her radiation suit and the helmet is on the floor, several feet from where she lays now. ****

She props herself up and starts to unzip her suit the best she can. But her skin feels like it's burning. Several more minutes pass before she gains enough strength to stand up. When she does she notices the screen. ****

The countdown that they had blasted through the lab still blinks, 00:00:00. The bottom corner tells her the date. It’s been almost three days since the countdown ended. Three days since Praimfaya. ****

Clarke steadies herself and tries to find any strength she has left inside her. ****

Water. Food. Clean her wounds. Work on comms. ****

She repeats the short list to herself as she stumbles over to the nearest sink. Luckily when she turns the tap water trickles out, and she doesn’t have time to think about whether the water has been poisoned with radiation because the dry patch in her throat is a relentless cry that she has to answer. She ducks her head under the faucet and lets it pour right into her mouth. ****

Water spills onto her face while she quenches her thirst, and after a few seconds her skin starts to sting. It’s then that she remembers the broken helmet. She glances at the packets of MREs she sees and decides food can wait a few more minutes. ****

She makes her way to the bathroom and when she gets there she stops dead in her tracks. ****

Her face. All down her neck. There are angry red spots, radiation damage. Everywhere. It’s lessened on the rest of her skin where the suit covered, but where she’d been compromised, her face especially, it’s angry. There are some blisters, bubbling, spots of dried blood and pus. ****

Clarke heaves a great sigh and gets to work on healing herself. ****

“At least nobody is around to see me like this.”

* * *

**i.**

**OCTAVIA**

Octavia thinks about them often. Bellamy and Clarke. The rest of them as well, but most of the time it’s just Bellamy and Clarke.

Leading everyone, in the bunker, it’s impossible. It seems like every day there’s a new challenge, a new problem to be solved. And Octavia lives on the brink. Of collapse, of insanity, of complete and utter breakdown. It’s the first time she realizes just what Bellamy and Clarke went through while trying to keep them alive and just how naive she was to think it was so easy. 

So on nights like tonight, when the bunker is quiet while everyone rests and Octavia wanders restlessly through the halls, she imagines them. Her brother and the girl who could’ve been her best friend if they’d ever had the chance to do anything besides survive.

Octavia mourns that part of herself, all the wasted potential. 

She likes Clarke. She always did, right from the start. Even when Clarke was making decisions she disagreed with (the ones that were harder than she ever gave her credit for). And she remembers when Clarke sent her to Lincoln, when she had trusted her more than anyone. She’d never felt so important. And later, when Clarke let the bomb drop on TonDC, well Octavia came to understand that too, even if only years later. She’d been hurt, betrayed in the worst way. Yet she knew that Clarke had done it to save Bellamy. And somehow that was all Octavia needed to understand. Clarke would always protect Bellamy even if she wouldn’t admit it to herself, she put him first. 

And if anyone deserves happiness, it is Bellamy and Clarke. She had seen that ages ago. They’d sacrificed even when she hadn’t realized they had been. And she knew her brother well enough to understand the truth of the situation. 

He loved her, it was so simple. She only needed to recall how Bellamy had been in the months during which Clarke left them. The way he’d become a shell of himself, only to be drawn out incrementally by Gina. But she’d never filled the void. Not entirely. Bellamy had led every charge for her, desperate to get her back. And Octavia had never seen her brother so broken. Nor had she missed the changes in Bellamy when Clarke had come back. Something kept them orbiting one another. 

She thinks she could have seen it sooner though, if she had been paying attention. Bellamy had turned every girl’s head at the drop ship but her big brother was never too far from Clarke’s grasp. She’d always been able to read his face, he kept his heart there for the world to see and she loved him for it. 

With Clarke it had been harder. As she knew, TonDC had been a lesson, a lesson on how far Clarke would go for Bellamy but there had been other instances. When she’d propelled herself full tilt into Bellamy’s arms at Camp Jaha. It had maybe been the first time that Octavia had realized it so clearly. Clarke had _feared_ for Bellamy’s life and seeing him alive was enough to take her out from behind the mask she wore so well. 

And if that hadn’t been enough. Well there was the bunker. Clarke locking them out but ensuring that Bellamy was inside? It was almost too familiar, too much like TonDC for Octavia to ignore the implications. 

And so Octavia hopes. She hopes that after the radio died that they made it to the Ring and that up there in space they’re safe. The alternative is too heavy on her chest. She hopes they have each other and that maybe they’ve stopped dancing around the truth she knows lies between them. She wants that for them, for her brother because after the life he has had to live he deserves it more than most. And for Clarke because despite her flaws Octavia knows that most of them would be dead by now without her, and she can’t see anyone more suited to put up with Bellamy.

Though as much as she hopes this she can’t help but be jealous. As she makes her way through the eerily lit halls of their bunker ( _girl under the floor once more_ ) she wishes she were with them. Instead she shrivels below the ground and feels herself losing grip every day. But she draws strength from knowing that someone out there is Bellamy and Clarke, and they’ll come for her one day as they always have before.

* * *

**interlude**

**BELLAMY - Year 1**

The first year is the hardest. Though the rest aren’t much easier. 

The first year is a daily struggle. Bellamy can’t go anywhere, can’t do anything, can’t interact with anyone without thinking that Clarke should be there. Should be here to help him, to help them all. 

(But she’s already helped them more than she will ever know. They lived, they all got to live. Just not her).

He sees her everywhere, in everything they do. She’s there, over his shoulder for every decision he makes, every step he takes for the rest of them. 

The others, they’re helpful. They’re his rock. Raven especially. And he loves them. But he knows that he needs to work through things on his own, it’s how he’s always been, how he always will be. He knows they’re there if he needs them, and that means more than the rest of it anyways. 

The first anniversary of their arrival on the Ring is a somber affair. Raven unofficially gives them all the day off. She runs the bare minimum of tests that need to be maintained to keep them alive herself and then they all spend the rest of the day quiet, bumbling around. Unsure of whether there should be celebrations or a day of mourning. 

Because the day coincides with one year without Clarke. And that hangs over them like a dark shadow. Bellamy can hardly believe it. A whole year. It’s longer than he even knew Clarke on the ground and that seems like the worst part of it all. That he knew her for such a short time. _They wasted so much time._ And that now time up here is endless, he could’ve spent it all with her. 

He thinks he’s forgetting her in pieces. But when he closes his eyes he can see her smiling, see her hair getting caught as she turns away from him, mouth open in a laugh. Then the image disappears. 

He’s in his room, the others have been giving him a wide berth all day. And he’s thankful. But it’s late now, and sound carries on the Ring. It’s inevitable. He’s out of bed and halfway to the door before he can stop himself. He leaves the bottle that he’s been nursing to keep a light buzz all day behind though. He doesn’t think he needs it now. (And god Bellamy’s glad that there’s not endless alcohol on the ark, he would’ve drowned himself by now if that was the case. Today is different. He needed the help). 

He follows the voices of the others but he stops before turning into the mess hall. He stays hidden in the shadows and peers out, spies the others gathered together at a table.

Their laughs are quiet, they have a jug of moonshine they’re passing around and Bellamy thinks they scrounged up some of the few MREs they managed to get up here, a reprieve from the algae. A lantern flickers in the middle of the table, illuminating their faces. 

They’re laughing at something Emori said, Bellamy assumes it must have been at Murphy’s expense. 

“If Clarke were here she’d defend me,” Murphy says and rolls his eyes. 

The others laugh more and Raven is already shaking her head. 

“Clarke was more ruthless than that, take no prisoners kind of girl,” Raven says and takes a swig from her drink. 

“I’ll drink to that,” Echo nods. 

And Bellamy freezes. He is rooted to his spot, half in the shadows. Afraid to move. His ears start to buzz and he can’t hear them anymore. They hadn’t said anything wrong, nothing bad. It was the truth.

Bellamy stands there. Lost in the past, lost in Clarke. Until Harper’s voice brings him back. 

“She should’ve been here,” Harper says solemnly. 

The mood has shifted, it’s more dampened. The laughs dying in the air. An undefined energy seems to pass through them. 

Monty stands up and reaches for the jug of moonshine. He pours out another round for them as the others watch in silence. Once the glasses are full he raises his glass. 

“To Clarke,” Monty says and takes a long drink. 

The others repeat after him and drink to Clarke’s memory. 

Bellamy stumbles away, tears in his eyes but hope in his heart. This year will be better. He promises himself that, for Clarke. He’s done right for the others, and it’s time to do right for himself.

* * *

**ii.**

**MONTY**

Years ago now Jasper had broached the subject with him. 

_“Do you think they’re together and just haven’t told us?” Jasper asked honestly._

_There was no question in Monty’s mind who he spoke about. Bellamy and Clarke were across the mess hall with their heads bent together, likely coming up with ideas on how to ride out the apocalypse._

_Monty rolled his eyes._

_“They’re just good friends.”_

_Jasper waggled his eyebrows suggestively, “All I’m saying is that nobody acts like that if there isn’t something going on.”_

_Monty chewed his food and chose not to warrant him with a response._

_“I mean I’d wager even back in the dropship days…” Jasper continued._

_Monty gave him a harsh elbow at that, “In case you forgot, Finn was around in the dropship days.”_

_That time Jasper rolled his eyes, “She always trusted Bellamy more, even then.”_

_Monty grew quiet and looked across the room at Bellamy and Clarke, he quietly studied them and let Jasper’s words settle over him._

At the time Monty was quick to dismiss Jasper’s ideas. His best friend had always enjoyed gossip, drama, and learning other people’s business. In truth Monty thinks now that Jasper was just a lot more perceptive than anyone ever gave him credit for. But he wishes Jasper had been wrong. It would hurt less. 

Monty had looked at the situation wrong for so long. Logically he knew that Clarke and Finn had, well, whatever they had and that Bellamy had those eager dropship girls wrapped around his fingers. Then there had been Lexa, someone Monty knew _of_ in theoreticals. At the same time Bellamy had Gina. And after that there had been no _time._

But Monty had grown to understand that none of that mattered, not really. 

Because when they’d left Clarke behind to burn in Praimfaya they’d all grieved, it had weighed over them. It still weighed over them. But Bellamy, Bellamy had splintered apart. He tries not to remember those early days when Bellamy had floated around the Ring, completely void of emotion, lifeless and going through the motions for the rest of them.

They’d all tried to reach out in their own ways while wrangling their own grief. But he’s pretty sure the only one who managed to truly get there in the end was Raven. He hasn’t asked but he’s been trying to channel some of Jasper’s perceptiveness and it’s the read he gets. Although he thinks that each of them have been able to help Bellamy in their own way. 

What Monty does remember though is how Bellamy had looked back in Becca’s lab, standing alone, waiting for Clarke to come to them. She never did.

And Monty remembers how it felt, a few days after they got stabilized on the Ring when the guilt crept in. Because the more he replayed that day, the more he realized that if he’d never taken off his gloves, if he hadn’t passed out, then it could have been different. Bellamy wouldn’t have had to split up with Clarke to help Murphy rescue him. And if that hadn’t happened maybe Bellamy’s help would’ve been enough to get Clarke back in time. 

Maybe it would have lost both of them. And could they really have survived that?

He’d told Harper his fears of his own part in the blame, months later. And when he’d finished his explanation she had smiled sadly at him, a little knowingly. 

_“Bellamy’s guilt about Clarke’s death is all his own. And regardless of any part the rest of us have in that day, he will never see it like that Monty. He has to forgive himself first.”_

He loves Harper, for her kind heart. But also for her ability to see clearly what others often overlook. 

It is this fact which seals it for him. He imagines losing Harper, if she’d been the one left behind. And Monty actually thinks that Bellamy is fairing well all things considered. It strikes him now that the six of them are in on the secret, knowing about Bellamy’s undying love for the girl they left to die. And so Monty does what he can. 

When Murphy makes a joke about _Clarke Griffin_ one night and Echo says _Wanheda_ in reverence Monty sees Bellamy’s smile freeze in place and his eyes glass over. So Monty turns to him and he asks Bellamy something about one of the Greek mythology books that he knows Bellamy found a few weeks ago and sees Bellamy calm himself, come back to the reality they live in now and Monty hopes it soothes his heart a little bit at least. 

(Even if Monty knows the wounds of loss never fully heal. But still he wishes he could tell Jasper he had been right after all. They did love each other, of that he is sure).

* * *

**interlude**

**CLARKE - Year 1**

It’s nearly been a year since Clarke woke up in Becca’s lab. A year of solitude and silence. Of having time to fight her demons, though sometimes they win. _Oftentimes_ they win. Yet Clarke is still alive. And that in and of itself seems like an accomplishment. 

The depression had been especially bad before she found the valley. But now, with sufficient food and clean water, a roof over her head, everything seems more optimistic. 

_4 years to go._ She can’t stop herself from counting the days. Maybe that makes it harder. But the passage of time makes it feel real, makes her think that she has something to root for, something that she’ll be able to keep moving towards. And if she doesn’t let herself think about the alternative, if five years pass and they don’t appear in the sky, her miracles from above, well that’s a preservation tactic. 

It’s evening. She usually makes her radio calls first thing in the morning, when it’s bright and fresh. But she had been busy this morning checking her traps. So the sun is setting when she finally sprawls out in the back of the rover and tunes in to the static. It’s always static. Sometimes that makes her want to slam the radio, to kick it to pieces for failing her. But most days it keeps her sane and steadied. To think that if they are out there that they can hear her. And if they can’t, well she needs the company anyways. 

Clarke holds the radio close. 

“Hey Bellamy. It’s been 361 days since Praimfaya. Nearly one year. Longer than we were even on the ground. It’s hard to wrap my head around. Things seem to be changing here. I was checking my traps today and I think the forest is getting more lush. Maybe I’m imagining things. I’m sure if Monty were here he could tell me. Maybe I’ll start making notes for him, so he can track the progress,” Clarke trails off and releases the button. 

No matter how many times she does it she can’t stop her heart from catching, from thinking that there will be a crackle. A disbelieving _Clarke_ coming through from the other end, miles and miles away in space. She imagines it, vividly. But it never comes. For a while she lays there, the night sky getting steadily darker and she feels at peace, not lonely but alone. Her and the world. For once she doesn’t mind it. 

Then the shooting stars start, falling fast towards earth. And suddenly Clarke can’t breathe. She’s rooted to the place while the memories wash over her in waves. 

_I don’t even know what I’d wish for._

Her tears come fast, she’s helpless to stop them. So she turns the radio back on and talks through her sobs. 

“Bellamy? Maybe you can see it from the ring. But there’s a shower of falling stars, right overhead. And I was just thinking—remembering what you said. You know that time…” Clarke trails off and sniffles, “Anyways. I know what I’d wish for now.”

Clarke’s sobs subside and yet the tears continue. She thinks she will leave it at that and just sign off for the night. But all at once she can’t keep it inside. The truth she’s known for what feels like ages, which has eaten away at her since Praimfaya. She wasted so much time. And she’s never said the words out loud. 

Clarke wipes her tears and when she presses the button on the radio again she is shaking. 

“I’d wish for you. To be up there with you. I–gods Bellamy, I love you.”

And she’s said it. She bites her lip and continues. 

“And if I never see you again, I just wanted you to know. I loved you then, I love you now. I don’t think I know how to stop even if I wanted to. But yeah. I’d wish for you.”

Clarke lets the radio go. She turns down the dial and makes the static just a steady background noise, reminding her of her solitude. The stars overhead her only company. She falls asleep under them that night, radio still humming in the background. 

The next day, when she wakes up she’ll have tear stained cheeks and a kink in her neck from sleeping in the rover. But she won’t have time to dwell on her confession. Because it’s also the day she meets Madi.

* * *

**iii.**

**ECHO**

Echo remembers the way Roan had told the story. 

The way he had told her about Clarke, the fearless Wanheda being brought to tears at the thought of Bellamy dying. How she had promised submission in exchange for his life. She had pleaded. Roan had explained that the two of them were a unit. Even when they were apart you could use one to get to the other. It was a sure fire method to have them fall in line.

It’s why in the aftermath of the City of Light that Echo brings her sword to Clarke’s throat. That and the fact that she is Wanheda, Commander of Death. But she’s not disappointed when Bellamy comes running, as if he is instinctually aware of when Clarke is in danger. Fuck, he probably is, some weird sixth sense for Clarke. 

It’s why she knows Bellamy will be an advantageous hostage to bring to Arkadia. She sees Clarke falter in the clearing when they take the bag off Bellamy’s head. How her whole world seems to crumble. 

And it’s why once Bellamy gets into the rocket, without Clarke, Echo knows that he is doing it at a great personal sacrifice. 

The rest of them worry. Murphy and Raven’s sad resignation. Monty and Harper’s evident distress. Emori’s immediate insistence that surely they can wait another minute. But Echo watches Bellamy. She sees him slip behind a mask, not ready to crumble in front of them. 

Then she hears the agony when he whispers to himself afterwards. 

_I left her behind. I left her behind and we all die anyway._

She hears what he leaves unspoken. He would have rather died on an irradiated planet with Clarke than up in space without her. It’s bleak. When both options are death. But it also makes his priorities clearer than ever before. 

After that it’s a long while before she hears any word of Clarke from him. It comes eventually, from the others as well, but there is a long bout of silence. Echo uses that time to observe him, the way she would as a spy. But not to use that information against him, but so she hopes that one day she can support him. The way the others manage to. It’s what she does to all of them. She observes them, learns who they are, and then integrates herself. It’s the only way she was ever able to make friends. 

(And she’s not stupid. She has seen it, she knows it for herself. If they _could_ have chosen one of them to die. It would have been her. Not the great Clarke Griffin. Not the girl who glowed like the sun. Echo still can’t hate her for it). 

The others crack quicker. Murphy surprisingly is first. They don’t really know each other at all and that makes it easy. He’s pretty indifferent to grounders, hence his steady relationship with Emori, it’s never divided them. And they match wits easily. She thinks he’s the first one who is really her friend. 

Emori is more wary, scared of the lingering resentments that are the grounder traditions for frikdreina. But Echo hardly cares, and once she tells Emori, straight up and no beating around the bush, the two fall into an easy rhythm. 

Monty and Harper are both too nice to really hate anyone she thinks and so it takes awhile for things to become natural and easy but they get along well enough. 

Raven is obsessed with her work at first but she eases up too. She realizes that Echo is an asset, a hard worker. And the two eventually find common ground. 

Bellamy though. Bellamy is hard. It’s maybe eight months in when Echo grows tired of it and decides enough is enough.

Echo has become the resident trainer on the Ark. Physical health was something that Monty and Raven both decided they needed to prioritize and Echo was a natural choice to handle that. So everyone trains with her at least 4 times a week. There’s a lot of free time up here anyways, and Echo likes the work. 

Surprisingly Harper is her favourite trainee. She’s the smallest of all of them, but she works harder than anyone and has some seriously sneaky moves that have even tripped up Echo. The rest of them have their strengths as well but she finds Harper’s sessions result in the most laughs _and_ challenges. 

Bellamy’s are a slog to even get through.

He rarely ever speaks, only follows her commands to the tee through gritted teeth and never responds to her verbally. Not even to ask a question. 

So this day, they are sparring. And Echo manages to flip him onto his back and suddenly she can’t resist. 

She steps away from him and wipes her hands on her pants as he pulls himself up to a standing position. 

“It seems all Azgeda combatants put you on your back pretty easily,” she quips. 

And she doesn’t expect him to respond. But he does, lightning fast too. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he says and grabs her arm, pulling her to face him. 

Echo raises an eyebrow and looks at his hand on her arm. He lets her go. 

She narrows her eyes further. 

“Nothing. Roan just told me stories that’s all.”

“Then you know that he only got me on my back because my back was turned to him in the first place,” Bellamy says through gritted teeth. 

And he’s oddly defensive. Maybe that’s why Echo pushes things further. She crosses her arms. 

“Yes. Turned towards Clarke. Who you were _trying_ to rescue, if I recall.”

Bellamy stiffens. His eyes go wide. And Echo regrets her tactic at once. She’s pushed too far, gone too deep with him. 

“Bellamy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean–”

Bellamy shakes his head, suddenly broken. 

“You’re right. I didn’t save her. Not then. Not ever. I never could in the end,” Bellamy says, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Echo stares at him. This man who she still thinks she barely knows but who she would like to be friends with, who she has a long and complicated history with, and she decides to extend an olive branch. She reaches out to place a hand on his shoulder. 

“You tried Bellamy. That’s all anyone can ever do. We try to protect those we love. And trust me. Clarke knew that. She did the same for you,” Echo says and keeps her hand firm until Bellamy’s eyes meet hers. 

They’re wet and she’s unsurprised. But she lowers her hand and walks away, turning slowly to give him a chance to respond if he wants. 

She hears his voice at the last second. 

“Thanks Echo.”

She doesn’t turn. But from that moment on things change between them and she begins to count Bellamy as a friend too. She figures she owes it to Wanheda to at least look out for him after she sacrificed herself.

* * *

**interlude**

**BELLAMY - Year 2**

They’re well past the two year mark when it happens. And really Bellamy should’ve seen it coming, should’ve thought about it and realized that if they digged deep enough it was there. But as it is, he doesn’t. And he thinks that makes it worse. 

The second year was better than the first. Bellamy feels like they’ve come into their own. They’re more of a family than just a survival team now. And there’s more happy times than not. Even if they do fight and bicker and get on each other’s nerves. They know they’re in it together and Bellamy feels at least a little bit proud of all they’ve done to get where they are now. 

Everyone has their role, their days are a bit repetitive, formulaic even. But they don’t mind. They all have enough spare time, too much really. But it’s why Bellamy is surprised when he walks into the room they use as command, Raven’s domain, often joined by Emori, and finds all six of them in what looks to be a tense discussion. 

“There’s no point in hiding it,” Murphy says bluntly, back turned before he realizes Bellamy has entered. 

“Hiding what?” Bellamy asks and walks forward to join the group. 

Six faces turn in unison. Echo is the only one who doesn’t look at least mildly horrified. Murphy’s usual nonchalance slips and Emori’s jaw sets in a hard line. Monty and Harper both look equally nervous and uncomfortable. Raven though appears to brace herself for war. 

Bellamy doesn’t know what to expect and his mind spirals in several different directions. They can’t make it to Earth. Earth will never be survivable. They won’t make it for the next 3 years until they can get down, their calculations are off. 

His eyes move quickly between all of them, trying to discern what level of panic is appropriate. It’s Echo’s lack of concern that tips him off though. She looks relatively at ease, unconcerned and actually slightly bemused at everyone else’s panic. So Bellamy’s eyes narrow because if it _was_ serious then Echo would care more. 

“Raven?” Bellamy asks, skeptical now. 

Murphy clears his throat and tries to take the lead. 

“It’s nothing Bellamy we were just–” 

Raven cuts him off. 

“We have something to show you,” Raven says. 

Bellamy nods. He watches her as she goes over to one of the computers and she starts pressing buttons. The rest of them still seem uneasy, but Bellamy focuses all his attention on Raven. 

“I was going through old logs this morning. Seeing if there was anything of use, and I just stumbled across some files. It piqued my interest. Emori was here, she went and grabbed Murphy. But then we realized… Well I got Monty and Harper, Echo noticed the rest of us were grouping up and tagged along but, well there you go,” Raven finishes lamely. 

And then, on the huge screen that was previously displaying their vital information for the ship is Octavia. 

It winds Bellamy, he takes a step backwards, nearly staggers. But Monty is at his elbow, steadying him and he feels the rest of them watching him. 

It’s her photo from when she was a prisoner. She’s so young. She’s innocent in this picture, but so defiant. So very O like that he can’t help himself. He takes a few steps towards the picture. Her hair is clean, her mouth in a smirk, her skin unblemished. She’s free of visible scars. But in her eyes Bellamy can see just a trace of fear, of the uncertainty she would have been feeling. 

“Wow… I don’t know what to say Raven,” Bellamy says, and he really is speechless, “Thank you.”

Raven nods, but Bellamy notices the tension in the room has dissipated. He tears his eyes away from Octavia and looks back to Raven. She seems to be hesitating. She keeps looking at her own computer screen. The other’s watch her in anticipation. And even then Bellamy doesn’t put the pieces together. Stupid really. 

“There’s one other thing… I wasn’t sure. But I think you’d want to see it,” Raven says. 

Octavia’s picture blinks away. And then it’s replaced with Clarke’s.

This time Bellamy does stagger, a few steps closer again and into a desk, his hands coming down to support him. 

She looks just like he remembered her but yet so changed. Not the same woman he left burning in Praimfaya on Becca’s island. But the girl who challenged him before he was even out of the drop ship. He catches his breath while he breathes her in. Her memory hadn’t faded, but he knows it’s blurred in the intervening years. And even though it’s just a picture, she seems so whole. So vitally alive and well. Beautiful. 

Her chin juts out, she’s almost pouting. _Brave princess._ She shows no fear that Bellamy can detect. Her blonde hair is cleaner than he’s ever seen it and it hangs loose, no braids for convenience. Her eyes are daring the person taking the picture to question her. She’s everything he has dreamed. 

He doesn’t notice that the room is quiet. That Harper has come up behind him to rub his back. Raven has sat down at the desk in front of him and is patting his hand. He was oblivious to it all while he remembered Clarke. 

“I’d never seen her so clean,” it’s Emori who breaks the silence. 

“A far cry from the commander of death,” Echo chides. 

And Bellamy thinks it’s easier for them to talk about her, in their distance from her. But he doesn’t resent them for it, if anything he envies them. The loss for them is not as painful as it is for the rest of them. And Bellamy understands why they thought maybe they should keep it from him. He’s been doing a lot better. But he’s still glad they decided not to. 

“We all miss her Bellamy,” It’s Raven this time, her voice soothing and quiet. 

He can hear the murmurs of assent at her words. 

Bellamy finally finds his voice. 

“We’ll have to figure out how to get a copy to the ground. When we go back. For Abby,” Bellamy says thickly. 

The tension seems to go out of the room. But Bellamy still can’t bring his eyes away from Clarke’s.

* * *

**iv.**

**EMORI**

Maybe Emori is naive, but part of her had always thought Bellamy and Clarke were _already_ together. And in the aftermath of making it to space she is so preoccupied with how new everything is and making sure she is pulling her weight to get the ship survivable that it doesn’t come up for a while.

But she isn’t blind. She sees Bellamy grieve. It isn’t discreet and while she knows she doesn’t witness the worst of it, there are still nights when all of them are woken by Bellamy’s screams ringing out through the empty hallways. And to her it made sense. He’d lost the woman he loved, he hadn’t been able to save her or even wait for her and that would stay with him now for the rest of his life. 

Then one day when she is laying in bed with Murphy and she asks, idly, if he thinks Bellamy will ever move on and Murphy gets mad, legitimately angry and calls her callus. That is when Emori realizes. They hadn’t been together.

Because while Murphy had thought she meant, _when will Bellamy get over Clarke’s death and move on,_ she had actually been questioning if Murphy thinks he will find love again, considering his obvious devotion to Clarke Griffin. 

When she’d explained herself Murphy had settled down and he’d been silent a long time, inscrutable as he looked at her in some sort of shock. And then he had got onto explaining the complex history of Bellamy and Clarke. 

It had perplexed her sure, and it had been fascinating in some respects but she couldn’t ignore the things that she had actually seen, limited as they may be. 

When she’d been in the City of Light, it was remarkable the things she could remember. And it’s why years later, despite not being in the room she can remember it as if she was Abby Griffin herself. 

_Start with Bellamy Blake._

They had known it was what would break Clarke the quickest. The interconnected mind let Emori absorb that information. And she could see Clarke’s face as clear as day. There was no question in Emori’s mind she would have caved the second they rose a hand to Bellamy’s head. And hell, they’d choked Clarke’s own mother and her resolve hadn’t been shaken. Bellamy _moved_ Clarke, and in the little time Emori had known her she had pegged Clarke as largely immovable. 

Bellamy on the other hand. Well Emori had seen the look on Bellamy’s face when Clarke took off her helmet, to save Emori’s life a second time. Had heard the strain on the word _untested_. Clarke’s life wasn’t something that Bellamy was willing to gamble with. 

So Emori found it a bit of a tragedy that they’d never been able to be honest with one another, and that they wouldn’t have the chance now. 

It’s why, about a year and a half in, once Bellamy has been functioning mostly normally for a sustained time, that Emori feels the need to tell him. She thinks he’ll appreciate it more than anyone. 

The day she decides to seek him out, it isn’t hard to find him. She makes some excuse after dinner and then finds Bellamy in his room with a book as is his habit if they aren’t all together playing a game or watching an old sports rerun in the mess hall. 

She knocks and he calls for her to enter. 

She sees the confusion on his face, she doesn’t usually seek him out alone. But she closes the door softly behind her and tries not to feel uncomfortable. 

Bellamy marks his page and puts his book down, he scoots to the side of the bed and turns towards her. 

“Emori, what’s up? Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s good Bellamy. I just wanted to talk,” Emori fights to keep her nonchalance as she realizes how strange this entire situation is, how out of place.

But she steadies herself, she is Bellamy’s friend now. They’ve lived together for a year and a half. They will still for at least three and a half more. Bellamy pats a place beside him on his mattress and Emori goes to sit beside him. She places her hands in her lap a bit uncomfortably and she can feel Bellamy watching her. 

“Emori–”

“I’ve never had a family before. Not a proper one I mean, I had Otan. But I’ve never belonged,” Emori interrupts and Bellamy silences himself. 

He nods and his eyes tell her to continue. 

“Before this I have always been an outsider. Even when I had my brother we were just the two of us. And then I had Murphy. But here on the Ring, it’s the first time I’ve felt like I belonged,” Emori says in a great rush. She’s never been great with feelings but she thinks this is important enough to push through. 

Bellamy gives her a kind smile and pats her leg. 

“We all need you up here Emori. If for nothing else than to wrangle Murphy for us,” Bellamy says with a laugh. 

Emori’s eyes crinkle as her lips turn up. Now the hard part. 

“And I appreciate that Bellamy. I appreciate this every day. But I—I just needed to tell somebody. And I can’t tell her so I thought it best if I tell you,” Emori looks Bellamy in the eye now.

She can tell he’s confused, he doesn’t see where she is going. She takes a deep breath. 

“I wouldn’t be here without Clarke. Obviously. God. That was the wrong thing to say,” Emori squints her eyes as she feels Bellamy’s hand, still on her leg, tense. 

She opens them and Bellamy isn’t looking at her anymore. 

“Clarke saved my life twice, three times if you include the last. When she injected herself with the nightblood and then when she gave me her suit. I wouldn’t even have made it to the ship without her and I never got to thank her. I know now that I never will… But I thought that I needed to thank someone. And I got the impression that she would’ve wanted it to be you,” Emori finishes and feels like a weight is lifted off her shoulders. 

Bellamy is still. And Emori watches him for a few seconds before she can tell he is in fact breathing. When he finally looks her way she can see the tears in his eyes. She stands up, sensing that she should leave now. 

“That’s all. I just needed to say that, it’s been weighing on me. I’m sorry Bellamy.”

She is already at the door when he speaks. She doesn’t turn around, his words root her to the spot. 

“Clarke would’ve given up her spot a hundred times over to get each of us here Emori. She put herself last, every damn time,” Bellamy’s words aren’t bitter but when Emori turns to look at him one last time, his eyes are haunted and she knows he is remembering something she isn’t privy to. 

Emori opens the door wide and gives him one last book. 

“That’s what makes her our hero up here,” Emori says. 

The door closes behind her but she knows that Bellamy is already crying. 

As Emori makes her way down the hall and away from Bellamy and his grief she thinks there must be another world, one where Clarke made it to the ship with them. Or one where Praimfaya never happened. One where Bellamy and Clarke were more than just two people who’d missed every chance the world had given them.

* * *

**interlude**

**CLARKE - Year 2**

Clarke loves Madi. Sometimes, more often than not, Clarke thinks that Madi saved her life. She found her right when she thought that she might not be able to continue on. And that was when the radio calls to the Ring that went unanswered were failing her. After she had found out that Polis was a no go, and that the bunker was inaccessible. 

She’d felt so lost when she found Madi. And then her entire life had _become_ Madi. It had been a long road, one that was full of its ups and downs. But now, several months later, they are family. Family who were made out of necessity more than anything else, but family all the same. 

Yet, no matter how much she loves Madi, she can’t stop herself from thinking about Bellamy everytime she looks at her. 

Well, no. Not Bellamy. But she thinks of Octavia, and how Bellamy raised her almost himself. And when she has a problem or doesn’t know how to react or wonders if she’s doing a good job, she just wishes she could talk to Bellamy about it. Because Bellamy has seen it all before, he was there for Octavia when she had nobody else and he saw her through all her phases, all her moods.

And so today, when Madi has stalked off to the water in a huff because of some stupid petty argument, leaving Clarke to stew over what went wrong, she thinks of Bellamy. And she resists the urge to pick up the radio, to have the imaginary conversation she has had in her head a hundred times already. 

So instead Clarke gets their dinner ready. It’s nothing fancy, luxuries don’t exist anymore. Fish as usual. But she prepares them the way Madi likes. She uses the leaves which add a spicy seasoning because Madi can never get enough of it and she even prepares a few of the root vegetables that they’ve come across to bulk up their meal. It’s more than what they’re used to and even at that Clarke makes a decision to go grab a handful of berries for them for dessert, breaking their rule of letting the plants grow back as much as they can manage. 

She wants to make amends. 

So when Madi creeps back to camp, Clarke stays silent, and hums under her breath as Madi pulls up to their table. Even Madi can’t resist perking up when she sees the berries though. Her eyes delight for a few seconds before she can school her expression back into a scowl. 

They eat in relative silence, slowly, savouring the special treats that they don’t usually allow themselves. Clarke is still new at this and she decides that she is going to let Madi take the lead. If she’s being honest she hardly remembers what the argument was even about, but it had devolved into Madi screaming that Clarke isn’t her mum, which had left her speechless and had brought tears to Madi’s eyes. 

Before Clarke can get up once they finish eating though Madi is grabbing their dishes and bringing them down to the river to wash up. It seems Clarke isn’t the only one intent on making amends tonight. 

Instead Clarke goes to make a fire. She thinks that maybe that will help soothe things between them. They both have a love for the flames, for the untamed heat that flickers and keeps them warm. 

Once the fire is going Clarke sits down. It doesn’t take long for Madi to join her. She sits maybe a foot away and stares into the flames for a few minutes before speaking. 

“I’m sorry Clarke,” Madi mumbles, not looking away from the flames. 

“I’m sorry too Madi. We both were wrong.”

Madi’s eyes glisten again. 

“You’re not my mum. But… But I do love you and I’m sorry we fought,” Madi sniffles. 

Clarke sidles up beside her, blinking back her own tears. It’s the first time that she’s said those words to Clarke. She wraps an arm around Madi who returns the affection easily, snuggling into her side. 

“I love you too Madi. I’m not replacing your mum, you don’t ever have to worry about that I promise,” Clarke rubs Madi’s arm.

For a while they sit in the warmth of the fire. Clarke’s mind wanders back to Bellamy, and to Octavia. An idea crosses her mind. 

“Do you want to hear a story?” Clarke asks. 

Madi shifts beside her, looking up curiously. 

“What kind of story?” Madi asks, her interest piqued. 

“A story about some of my friends,” Clarke says, “About Octavia and Bellamy.”

Madi shifts, almost uncomfortably. She knows about the bunker, and she knows about Clarke’s friends in space. But even as young as she is she has picked up on the things Clarke isn’t willing to talk about. So she knows the names, but she’s uncertain if it is a safe enough topic to broach. Clarke smiles to let her know it’s okay, she’s ready to share. 

“They’re the siblings right?” Madi asks and Clarke can tell that she might have wanted to ask about Clarke’s friends for a long time before this.

“The _only_ siblings on the Ark,” Clarke corrects, and she can’t help the fond tone that creeps into her voice. 

Madi’s attention is rapt, all eyes on Clarke. And so she settles into her spot, getting ready to tell her story. 

“The Blakes. The first thing you need to know about them is they’re stubborn as hell,” Clarke starts and Madi giggles at the curse, “But that they love stronger than anyone you’ve ever met.”

And that’s how it begins. That night under the stars. Clarke finds a new way to keep her friends alive. To keep Bellamy alive, and to keep everyone close to her heart. In her stories they become heroes, larger than life and determining the fate of their stories. It takes a while for her to notice that they’ve become her heroes too.

* * *

**v.**

**ABBY**

When Abby meets Bellamy Blake, she doesn’t know what to think at first. She knows he’s the one who shot Thelonius and that puts her guard up immediately. She wants to be wary of him on principle. 

Clarke asks desperately about her friends. About Finn and Bellamy especially. But Abby is so concerned with trying to reign Clarke in that she has little time to consider the implications of any of it. 

And then Abby sees Clarke running clear across the camp, right into Bellamy Blake’s arms and it slides into place, like a picture coming into view. 

She hadn’t seen it when Clarke begged for Bellamy’s name to be cleared when they were still on the Ark, the way she had fought for the boy. She hadn’t heard the raw need in her daughter when she inquired about Bellamy after she got back to camp. But she could see it in the way she catapulted into his arms and then in the way he staggered, thrown off balance, only to crush her to him even harder. 

From then on she knew they were inextricable. Bellamy challenged Abby from the start, took her daughter’s side every time they butted heads. And while she was angered by his defiance, there was a part of her that loved him for how he was there for Clarke. There for her in a way that Abby wasn’t sure anyone else ever had been. 

And Abby knows Clarke. When the bomb drops on TonDC she thinks the worst of her daughter that she ever has, and she hates herself for it. But there’s a part of her that knows why Clarke did it. That it was for Bellamy, that Clarke had to do it because it had been on Clarke’s word that Bellamy went into the mountain in the first place and if Clarke let him die there because of her… 

Abby still hated it. 

Later. After Clarke leaves them. After Abby sees Bellamy break a million times for her daughter. And after Abby gets chipped, after: _start with Bellamy Blake._ In the fog that is waking up from ALIE, she sees them again. First when Bellamy is telling Clarke that he trusts her, trusts her to go into the damn City of Light of all things. 

And after too, when they almost lose Clarke if it weren’t for Murphy keeping her heart beating and Bellamy helping the others defend their spot. 

They’re standing by that damn grounder throne, close, like they always are. Heads bent together, worrying about some new crisis, yet unknown to Abby. They’re in their own world, it’s truly the first time Abby accepts that Clarke doesn’t need her simply because she has someone else. It makes her hope then that her daughter gets peace one day, after having lost so much, and she comes to find that she doesn’t mind if that peace is in Bellamy Blake. 

Because Abby sees the same look of devotion, of utter unbreaking faith in Bellamy’s eyes that she once saw in Jake’s.

And then, later once again. After Clarke injects the nightblood and Abby splinters, terrified of losing the most important person left in her life, she asks Clarke in the aftermath. Once they have all calmed down a bit and they’re the only two left cleaning up the glass of the chamber she smashed. 

_She picks up a big shard and turns to Clarke._

_“Bellamy won’t be happy,” Abby says._

_Clarke is turned away from her but she sees her stiffen._

_“About the nightblood I mean. He won’t be happy that you put yourself in danger,” Abby continues._

_“He doesn’t have to know,” Clarke says quickly and goes back to cleaning up, still turned away from her mom._

_Abby discards the glass in her hands and moves towards Clarke. She puts a hand on her shoulder and Clarke turns instinctively. Her clear blue eyes are frantic, she looks genuinely worried, because Abby knows Clarke realizes the truth now, if Bellamy was here the outcome might have been worse than a smashed radiation chamber._

_“Clarke. It’s Bellamy,” Abby says quietly, knowingly._

_And Clarke looks younger than Abby has seen her in a long time._

_Clarke has lost so many people and Abby wants nothing more than to take all of that away. Jake. Wells. Finn. Lexa. But Bellamy has been steady, has been by her side in one way or another since they landed._

_“I’ll always need Bellamy,” Clarke admits, her voice small, “I wouldn’t be here without him.”_

_Abby hugs Clarke tight._

_“And you’ll always have him.”_

It’s the truth, and it’s why when Bellamy and Clarke tell her that they’re going after Raven it is both the hardest and easiest thing Abby has ever had to do. The hardest to let her daughter walk out in the radiation storm and away from the safety of the bunker. But the easiest because she has Bellamy. Bellamy who would die before he lets Clarke come to harm. And Clarke’s faith in the man before her has become Abby’s faith. A long way from the rogue guard who shot Thelonius to protect his sister. Then again, maybe not such a long way. 

So she says her goodbyes and tells them to take care of each other, with a pointed look that it is a promise they have to keep. 

When Octavia comes to find her to tell her that they’re going to space. Abby loses her mind. It’s only natural. She rages, she screams and cries while Kane holds her. But hours later once she calms down she tells herself that they’ll be alright. 

Five years is a long time. But Abby doesn’t worry because Clarke has Bellamy. And Bellamy will always protect Clarke. It’s what she tells herself while they endure the bunker and she starts to wonder if they ever will get out.

* * *

**interlude**

**BELLAMY- Year 3**

He read once that the first thing you forget about someone is their voice. Yet he still thinks he hears her sometimes. 

Now that they found the picture of her face he knows he’ll never forget that. But her voice, Clarke’s voice rings in his mind at the strangest of times. 

She’ll chastise him about the others if they’re having issues. She’ll bring him back from the brink when he can’t do it himself. And she’ll never fail to remind him all they have to live for, why they’re stuck on the Ring in the first place.

He wonders though if it’s actually what her voice sounded like or if it’s a hollow imitation of a memory. 

He thinks that Clarke’s death immortalized so many of their conversations for him that he would have otherwise forgotten with time. But on the Ring all they have is time and so he remembers them all so well. Some fondly, some with regret.

They’re well into Year 3 on the Ring and Bellamy can still recall her final words. How hasty he’d been with her, unfeeling. 

_If this is one of those times that you tell me to use my head…_

_No. I just wanted to say… hurry._

_You too._

He wonders sometimes, if there had been more time, if they’d been alone, had she been planning to say something else? He thinks it’s probably wishful thinking on his part. He can remember standing on the beach with her not too long before, when she was about to go to Becca’s Island the first time and how she’d stopped him from saying what he really wanted to say. 

_Clarke if I don’t see you again–_

_No. You will._

She’d been right of course. But the words that had died in Bellamy’s throat years ago still taste bitter as black bile up here on the Ring. It had been a now or never situation. Bellamy knew both of them surviving had slim odds. But then they had, and they’d been together again and so much had happened, the bunker and Clarke almost shooting him. By the time they made it back to Raven he had thought it would be inevitable that they would survive. Together. 

So he’d been brusque in their last conversation, he didn’t think it was there last, and he will always live with the regret of not knowing what Clarke Griffin’s potential last words _could have been._

And as he walks the Ring, it’s eerie silence familiar and comforting after how long they’ve spent inside it, he can’t help but find her final request ironic. 

Hurry. Hurry up and have the five years pass in a flash, when in reality you’re stuck in a tin can counting down every day, every hour, every minute until you can really live again. They can’t do anything but wait. And then there’s the fact that Clarke couldn’t hurry, the fact that her lack of speed was what killed her, was what forced Bellamy to leave her anyways. 

He finds himself at the window that he always comes back to, the one that for him gives the clearest view of the planet below. It mocks him. Things have cleared in the intervening years since Praimfaya and it looks a lot better than it did in the beginning years. There’s a green spot barely visible close to where the bunker is and there are several more in different pockets around the Earth. Raven and Monty think it’s a good sign.

Bellamy can’t help but wonder if it means they could have survived down there anyways, if they’d only known where to go. 

That line of thinking is ridiculous though. Praimfaya was a death wave, knocking out everything in its wake. A sheer force of destruction. Nothing survived its wrath.

(Even though they’ll never have her remains, never have anything that truly belonged to her, he has promised himself they’ll have a grave site down there for her. For Clarke. For all of them to mourn her properly, to have somewhere to go to remember. _Here lies Clarke Griffin. Daughter. Leader. Friend_ ). 

Bellamy places his hand on the window and sighs. 

“Two more years,” Bellamy says to no one, “Sorry I couldn’t hurry for you Princess.”

The old nickname slips out, a hard habit to kick and Bellamy is glad the rest of the Ring is sound asleep, not to witness what might be a severe sign of mental instability from Bellamy. 

“I’ll be waiting.”

The voice is only a whisper, a mere figment of Bellamy’s overactive imagination, but there is no doubt in his mind who it belongs to. 

Clarke. It’s always Clarke. 

He doesn’t turn to face the disappointment of an empty hallway and instead keeps staring down at the barren planet and the spot of green they hope to make it to one day.

* * *

**vi.**

**MADI**

Madi asks her one day. Because she thinks it’s the most obvious thing ever and she can’t resist it. 

“Did you love him?” Madi interrupts Clarke saying something about Bellamy while she’s trying to teach Madi to shoot her gun. 

She’d said something about how Bellamy had taught her to shoot and the words had just slipped out. 

Clarke flinches. She removes her hands from where they’d rested on Madi’s shoulders and stands there stunned. Madi lowers the gun and turns to face her. 

“What’d you say?” Clarke’s voice is far away, she doesn’t look directly at Madi. 

“Did you love Bellamy?” Madi asks more specifically, “It’s just the way you talk about him. I didn’t mean to upset you…”

Madi watches carefully as Clarke collects herself. Her expression smooths over, the shock fades from her face and she masks any emotion she was previously feeling. 

“I loved all my friends Madi. I love them still,” Clarke recovers.

Madi just stares. 

“But with Bellamy… it wasn’t different?”

Clarke doesn’t even blink. And Madi has known Clarke long enough now to figure out that this is one of those things that she doesn’t want to talk about. But Madi is curious. And there’s a part of her that is jealous too. Because Clarke and her, they are a team. They are the only ones they have. And the way Clarke talks about Bellamy. Well sometimes Madi wonders if that would change things between them. Part of Madi knows that this makes no sense. That her and Bellamy are very different. That Clarke can love them both. 

(Another part of Madi thinks that Bellamy is the coolest ever and she hopes every day that he really will return from space because she can’t wait to meet him). 

“Walk with me Madi,” Clarke says, a slightly dreamy air taking over her voice. 

Madi obeys, eager because she thinks Clarke is about to tell a story. 

“On the Ark growing up. My only friend was Wells. And he was my best friend. We did everything together. I thought maybe I might even marry him one day, I didn’t love him like that but I thought that maybe one day I could,” Clarke says as they walk. 

Madi grabs Clarke’s hand as they continue. She’s heard about Wells before, he was always one of her favourites. She wishes that he hadn’t died so they could meet one day too. But she’s never heard Clarke talk about him like that. 

“Wells was very special to me, he always will be. But then we came to the ground and everything changed. And for the first time I had a lot of friends. I had Jasper and Monty. Miller. Octavia, Raven, and Harper. There was Finn too. The rest of the 100. You know all about them,” Clarke continues, still staring ahead as they walk. 

Madi nods quickly anyways. 

“Bellamy was different.”

Madi’s pulse quickens. So she was right. 

“We didn’t always get along. I think you knew that. But we were leaders together, we were important to our people. We made decisions together and we learned to respect each other. I don’t think I realized it at the time, but after Wells died, Bellamy was my best friend. He was the one who was there for me no matter what, the only one who I knew I could depend on in any circumstance. And… I think he felt the same,” Clarke says.

Her voice takes on that dreamy quality again and Madi decides that Clarke does in fact love Bellamy even if she won’t say the words to her.

Clarke stops them on the path and she kneels down to Madi’s height. 

“I loved Bellamy and I still do. You’re right Madi,” Clarke says and tucks a piece of hair behind Madi’s ear, “And I love you. I love so many people and my heart is so happy for it. Don’t ever forget it.”

Clarke envelopes Madi in a hug and Madi hugs her back. She thinks that maybe she saw some tears in Clarke’s eyes but she isn’t sure. She thinks about everything that Clarke just said and one thing sticks out, something she isn’t sure Clarke even realized. 

She said that Wells had always been her best friend. That she thought she might even _marry_ him one day. And then she said that Bellamy had become her best friend after Wells died. So did that mean that maybe she had wanted to marry Bellamy? Madi wasn’t sure. But she knows that one day when Bellamy comes down she’ll have to watch and see if Bellamy loves Clarke too.

* * *

**interlude**

**CLARKE - Year 3**

Their house is strewn with drawings. Charcoal sketches that Clarke works on in all her spare time. She can’t stop drawing. It’s the most time she’s ever had to spend on it since she lived on the Ark. Before Praimfaya she probably drew no more than half a dozen sketches, here and there when she had a few spare minutes that weren’t muddled by sheer exhaustion. 

Occasionally she can muster up some water colours, with berries and dirt, or flower petals. Making dye is not easy, it’s time consuming. So most of them are black and white. But a few months ago she had laboured in secret to do a full colour portrait of Madi for her birthday. Madi had been thrilled, and Clarke had kept it on proud display ever since.

The drawings served another purpose though too. They gave Madi faces. Faces for the stories that Clarke had finally shared with her, Madi was always eager for more. 

And so Clarke drew vigorously. Everyone that she could remember. Faces that had mostly faded until she really concentrated. 

Fox. Mbege. Sterling. Atom. Dax. Cage. Maya. Anya. Queen Nia. Luna. Titus. Ontari. Riley. 

Those faces had been minor players in Clarke’s life. But now they were remembered, in her drawings and in Madi’s imagination at the very least. But she drew those more important to her as well. Those dead, and those she hoped still alive. 

Her dad. Her mom. Wells. Octavia. Miller. Niylah. Kane. Jaha. Lexa. Murphy. Emori. Echo. Monty. Harper. Jasper. Raven. 

Bellamy. Always Bellamy. 

Part of her worried that if she didn’t draw him that she would lose his face. Though she’s imagined it so many times now that she doubts she ever could. 

Today though Clarke is paying tribute. It’s been over three years since Praimfaya and she has come up with an idea, something that sparked in her mind a couple weeks ago. 

So when she walks into the clearing and sees the dropship she’s ready. Madi had driven her close enough. Somehow, the dropship had survived but she’d spent little time there. What was the point? It was right near the far east edge of the green spot. Madi knew she wanted her space for this and had granted it to Clarke. 

Clarke took a breath, held her reference sketches close and her bag of stones, and she walked forward. Ready to get to work. 

It took the better part of the day. But when she stepped back she could cry. 

It wasn’t her best artistic work. Scraping rock into metal to make people’s likeness was rough work. Her hands were a bit cut up. But she had done it. She had made the mural. 

In the dropship there was a blank wall, one she had decided to memorialize. With their faces. The faces of the 100. As many of them as she could fit. She knew she didn’t have everyone. Couldn’t remember _everyone._

But she had over 50 of them. Their faces all smiled back at her, as they did in the dropship days. It felt like a lifetime ago. 

She’d left herself and Bellamy for last. But she had got them up there, through her tears she had carved out their features. They were unmistakable. Right in the middle of it all. Side by side. Where they had always belonged. Raven and Octavia flanked them. The others sprawled out in a group all around them, right to the edges of the wall. 

Clarke lets out a choked sob. She doesn’t hear Madi come in. 

“You’re done!” Madi’s voice is reverent, a bit awed. And her eyes are huge, taking in the drawing in one long gaze. 

Clarke moves towards her and loops and arm around her, steadying herself. 

“Yeah, I got it finished.”

“It’s amazing!” Madi moves forward and brushes her fingers over it, “You did so well. I can tell who they all are.”

Clarke gulps, a bit prideful.

“They deserve to be remembered,” Clarke says. 

Madi smiles and points to Bellamy. 

“Less than two years now,” Madi says. 

Clarke’s eyes are wet and she knows it. She can’t wait. It physically pains her everyday that they’re gone. It feels like she’s adrift somewhere, even with Madi here. She wants all the people she loves and fuck if that’s selfish she doesn’t care. She’s allowed something good for once. 

“You think he’ll like it?” Clarke asks. 

Madi pretends to contemplate. Then she shrugs. 

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t even look the same anymore. He could have a beard for all you know!” Madi pokes her in the ribs and Clarke starts to laugh, a bit hysterically. 

Madi doesn’t notice that she’s on the edge of losing it. Because Madi’s words strike close to home. She wants Bellamy back. She wants them all back. But they _won’t_ be the same. None of them will be the same people who left her years ago. She’s not the same. And how is she going to fit with people who lived together for five years with a Clarke shaped gap in their world? It seems impossible. Especially if she doesn’t fit the same anymore. 

But she looks back to her work and she knows one thing will remain the same if nothing else. Bellamy would be proud of her for what she’s done here. That, she knows. 

“No beard,” Clarke decides as she looks at Bellamy’s face on the wall and scrunches her nose.

Madi snorts.

* * *

**vii.**

**HARPER**

They share stories. It’s natural. But what surprises Harper is that even after three and a half years they still manage to find new ones that the others haven’t been told. 

For Echo and Emori it is easier. They had entire lives to draw from that the others didn’t know. Even if Murphy was always interrupting Emori and insisting that he’d heard this story before. And sometimes they do repeat their stories, again it’s natural. 

But for the rest of them it seems like the bulk of their stories stem from their time on the ground. Because while it was short it was rife with drama and anecdotes and unbelievable triumphs and losses. 

They’re all lounging one night when it happens though. Murphy brings it up because of course he does. 

“We should’ve brought a weed plant with us when we planned to come up here,” Murphy says. 

And the rest of them laugh. Monty’s moonshine is passable but some variety would have been nice, Harper can’t deny it. 

“I still can’t believe that I couldn’t find anything on the ring. I swear me and Jasper had stuff stashed everywhere. It must have all died,” Monty says with a snort. 

The rest of them smile. It’s nice, the easy way that Monty talks about Jasper now. There’s sorrow there, and Harper knows it runs deep, has had enough late night conversations to see that. But it’s also light. The memories that are good have become more powerful than the ones that aren’t. 

“I’d kill for some Jobi nuts.”

It’s Echo. And they’re all stunned for a moment. Harper watches Emori give a nod that says _totally._ But then the other five actually burst into laughter, fits of giggles. 

Emori and Echo look confused. 

“What? What is it!” Emori pesters Murphy and jabs him in the side. 

“Oh no,” Murphy gets out between laughs, “I wasn’t there but I heard the stories. Let the others tell you.”

Echo and Emori wait for the others patiently while their laughter dies out slowly. Harper still has a grin on her face when she starts the story. 

Her and Monty tell most of it. Raven cuts in several times. 

“So there I am, standing with a bunch of people strung out of their minds insisting that they’re actually brooms,” she gets out before she dissolves into laughter again. 

The three of them are animated enough, Murphy is supplying dry commentary and Emori and Echo are a great audience, that Harper doesn’t realize that Bellamy has grown quiet until he clears his throat. 

They all turn at once. And Bellamy’s face has grown somber, his laughter that filled his face in an ear-splitting grin long gone.

Harper realizes before the others. Puts the pieces together faster. Because after the Jobi nuts had worn off she remembers how Clarke and Bellamy had emerged, seemingly from nowhere with buckets of guns. And Harper realizes that Bellamy’s memories of the Jobi nuts are probably quite different than the rest of them. 

The others seem to catch on though, and they wait in silence. Bellamy doesn’t often talk about Clarke, not outright. Sometimes she is brought up in passing, sometimes something happens and they can’t help but mention her. Bellamy forces a laugh, plasters on a smile but he never brings her up on his own. 

(Only a few times, in anger. _Clarke didn’t die for us to waste ours._ That sort of thing that passes quickly and drains Bellamy more than them). 

But this time Bellamy takes a deep breath, and Harper knows it’s about to be special. 

“Me and Clarke,” Bellamy pauses and nobody breathes. Harper watches as Bellamy seems to seep into the memory, seems to breathe it in. 

“We had gone looking for a bunker. But I’d been planning to run away, took enough provisions cause I was scared of Jaha coming down and having me killed for shooting him. I knew my time was up,” Bellamy waits. 

The rest of them sit with bated breath, nobody dares move. Bellamy blinks a few times, as if he can’t quite believe he’s speaking, but the words flow out of him. 

“We found the guns. And then Clarke realized that I was trying to make a run for it. By then we’d both eaten some of the jobi nuts. Dax found us…” Bellamy trails off again and Harper tenses. 

They’d never found out what happened to Dax. He was a casualty they never accounted for, but it seems that’s not quite true. 

“The guard who’d got me to shoot Jaha told Dax to shoot me. He almost did too, almost took both of us out. But he didn’t.”

Bellamy’s lack of an explanation is the only explanation any of them need. She shares a glance with Monty and his lips press together harder. _Only choice._

Bellamy shakes his head and then grins, a bit sadly and he can’t hold eye contact with any of them. 

“She, she saved me that day. With Dax. And then she made me come back to camp. She put things right with Jaha. But that was Clarke right? Always taking care of the rest of us first,” Bellamy’s voice gets a bit watery at the end but he’s still smiling. 

Raven puts a hand on his knee, she’s the closest to him. Murphy stands up and puts a hand on his shoulder. 

“Yeah and I bet Griffin kicked Dax’s ass too while you stood by. Sounds about right to me,” Murphy chastises him but there’s no venom. 

Bellamy lets out a laugh and a few tears spill down his cheeks. 

“ _Wanheda_ ” Echo starts and she doesn’t mean it as an insult, Harper can tell, “Seems to have had a legend all her own before the rest of us prescribed her one.”

Bellamy’s jaw drops a bit and the rest of them go quiet. Because Echo is right, more than she can know. Because that is just who Clarke was. To know her was to love her. And to be a part of _her_ story, was to be a part of _the_ story. You couldn’t resent her for it but it was true. Harper knows the rest of them can’t speak. So she decides to instead. 

“When we were still at the dropship I got a cold. Nothing bad, it only lasted a day or two. But Clarke came to my tent every hour to check on me. She wouldn’t let anyone else do it and she never feared getting sick herself. That’s just who she was,” Harper says, her voice laced with the loss of all their friends. 

Everyone takes in her words and suddenly they’re all sharing stories of Clarke. 

Bellamy beams at Harper. At how she has turned it into something happy instead of something sad. And he doesn’t share for the rest of the evening, instead he basks in their stories. But Harper watches his eyes flicker to her every so often and how his eyes shine when someone shares a particularly touching memory. She’s happy to have done at least this for him, to ease the burden if even slightly. 

Later, when she crawls into bed with Monty she asks him. 

“That was good, right?” Harper pulls the covers up to her chin. 

Monty crawls in beside her, his legs brushing against her own, still sending goosebumps up her body all these years later. 

“Yeah. I think it helps. To remember her, how she was,” Monty is tired and she can see he’s already closed her eyes, “Bellamy appreciated it.”

Monty drifts off after that but Harper thinks about his words for sometime before sleep takes her. Sometimes, when people die, they live in the hearts of others. And Clarke Griffin’s memory shines bright enough out of Bellamy Blake’s heart that nobody will ever forget her, not even a thousand years from now. And that, more than anything else, is love.

* * *

**interlude**

**BELLAMY - Year 4**

Four years down and they’re counting the days more carefully than ever. 178 left. They seem never ending. But at the same time Bellamy can blink and ten more will disappear. 

Part of him fears the ground, confronting all that they lost there. Part of him needs to return like he needs air to breathe. It’s awful either way. 

But Bellamy has grown so much. All of them have, and he can’t help but notice the obvious differences from where they started. 

For starters, Echo is actually a part of the group. Someone they all consider a friend. 

He’s watched her go from an outsider to an integral part of their survival up here. Admittedly he’d been a hold up on much of that for a time. But he has long since forgiven her past transgressions. It’s strange how little resentment Bellamy has for anything anymore. Being up here with six other people away from it all has put things into perspective. He’s glad that Echo has made her home here and that they’ve welcomed her as well. It feels right. 

And he sees change in the other’s as well. Monty’s confidence, his self-assurance has been incredible to see blossom. 

They depended on Monty to get their food source going, and having the others count on him, it changed something. Even when they berate him about how awful the algae has been he knows that it is actually from a place of love, for how Monty’s brains did save them all in the end. He’s come a long way from that farm station kid who smoked weed with Jasper. 

There’s Harper too, who’s turned into everything that anyone needs at any given time. She’s probably the most caring person Bellamy knows. 

And she’s also probably the only person who hasn’t been in a fight with someone at any given time during their time up here. The only one who can say that she was always on speaking terms with the entire crew. She cares for them all, their pain becomes her own and Bellamy sees how hard she fights for them. She’s there when they need her most. The mom of their little group.

Murphy. Fucking John Murphy. If someone had told Bellamy how close he’d grow to that man he’d never believe them. 

But Murphy has gone from a selfish bastard to a selfless one and it seemed to happen overnight. He’s become the first one to give up something for himself in favour of giving it someone else. He’s always doing small favours, and orchestrating little surprises to brighten the other’s day. Even though he still keeps up that icy exterior, Bellamy sees it for what it is. A show. 

And who is Murphy without Emori? 

He’d known her the least when they got onto the ship. Even his knowledge of Echo was ten times as extensive. Yet Emori, for the first time, has a family in the people here. And that alone makes Bellamy want to weep. He knows that for the first almost two years Emori always covered her hand, always kept it concealed from them. But one day, a couple years ago now, she seemingly forgot. Murphy mentioned it, because of course he did. And Emori had merely shrugged it off. _I don’t care, it’s just you guys._

That leaves Raven. Raven Reyes and her brilliance. She’s a saint and they don’t deserve her, doesn’t Bellamy know it. 

She hasn’t shattered. Not once. And Bellamy is eternally grateful. She stepped up to the plate and fulfilled her vow. They’ve kept everyone alive, kept the group together through thick and thin. Maybe she’s even softened a bit too, not so afraid to ask for help. And Bellamy can’t think of anyone he would rather have at his side. 

Except one that is. 

Because when Bellamy sees how much they’ve all changed, he can’t help but think how Clarke hasn’t changed. How she’s immortalized in his mind at 18, dying a martyr, dying a hero. 

Dying tragically, alone.

It’s why he writes the letter. One he plans to leave on the Ark. Because grief is ongoing, and even though he can go weeks without it becoming too much, his heart still aches after four and a half years. And through it all he wishes he could talk to her one last time. So he writes the letter and he stuffs it in a cabinet, for some further generation to find when they come upon the Ring in a few centuries, words to remember them by. 

_Princess,_

_I didn’t mean to write that. It just happened. Old habits die hard I guess. But that’s what you were no? The Princess of the Ark. Wanheda on the ground._

_You were so much more._

_I miss you Clarke. Every day is hard, even when it keeps getting easier. All of us miss you. Raven, Monty, Harper, and Murphy. Even Emori and Echo. I’m not making that up either trust me. But you deserved to be here, more than the rest of us._

_I just wanted to apologize. For all of it, for leaving you behind. For every stupid thing we ever fought about before the end. I can see now that none of it mattered, but I’d do it all again if I could have gotten you up here safely with the rest of us._

_Most of all I’m sorry for never telling you. I tried that day on the beach. And there were so many times before too that I thought… maybe._

_I love you Clarke._

_God. Writing those words down just makes this even harder. I should’ve told you for real when I had the chance. I was always stupid like that, thinking we had so much time. I couldn’t even tell O until the very end. Does that make me a coward? I hope not._

_Anyways. I’m living for you now Clarke. And I could go on for ages but I’m already having to fight back the snot bubbles so I’ll leave you here, with that confession. Years in the making._

_May we meet again,_

_Bellamy_

* * *

**viii.**

**MURPHY**

Murphy had been baiting Bellamy. 

_I think the Princess is dead._

What he hadn’t expected was the fury in Bellamy’s eyes. The pure rage that was muted only by the pain that flickered behind. 

And so that’s how it begins. 

Or maybe not. Maybe it began even earlier, Murphy thinks. Back when Bellamy and Clarke stood on the cliffside where Charlotte took her own life and they’d talked to each other like they were the only ones in the world. 

(He supposes that for them they _were_ the only ones in the world). 

Murphy never thinks much about it. He lives on the fringes of the rest of the Sky People’s lives, he floats in and out easily. But he observes things clearly enough and he’s not as stupid as the 100 thought he was at the beginning. 

And he remembers. He remembers how Bellamy and Clarke, even while fighting about his own fate, had trusted each other, had turned to each other and leaned on each other for guidance before they even really considered one another allies. And he remembers Bellamy’s anger that Murphy would even guess that Clarke was dead. 

And he can remember too afterwards, how while Finn lost his mind, drowned in grief and never came back, all in Clarke’s name, it was Bellamy who was there when they _did_ get Clarke back. Bellamy who was picking up the pieces. 

Murphy leaves after that and it’s for the better. Jaha aside, he gets Emori out of the deal and that’s worth any bullshit he had to endure to get her.

When he sees Clarke again, in Polis, she’s changed. And Murphy can’t help but chalk up the changes to Bellamy’s absence. They’d been better together. 

Then Murphy sees Clarke more vulnerable than he ever has. She clearly loved Lexa, the same way she had loved Finn. But as Lexa bleeds out Murphy is glad that Clarke’s never directed her love at him, because Clarke’s love, it seems cursed. 

Later, there’s a moment, a brief exchange that he thinks more revealing than anything else. 

Clarke is leaving, going back to save everyone, and Murphy isn’t but he grabs her hand and speaks quick. 

“Hey. Bring them back? Bellamy, and the rest.”

Murphy doesn’t know why he cares about them, the people he’s had more issue with than any modicum of love. But he means the words and he sees how Clarke’s eyes widen at Bellamy’s name. He doesn’t know what happened there, but part of him thinks he does too. 

(Because Bellamy and Clarke burned bright. Anyone at the dropship could’ve seen that. They were the shiny heroes, the rest of the 100 just there to prop them up. Murphy realizes that it just means that they had further to fall). 

When Bellamy shows up out of nowhere, demanding that they save Clarke and ordering anyone around that he has to to achieve that goal it seems predictable. Murphy wants to laugh. 

His mind is completely focused on Emori during all of it. On the stupid chip and saving the one person who he has actually managed to give a damn about. But Bellamy fucking Blake shows up and he’s about to burn down the city to get back to Clarke Griffin. Fucking typical. 

When he meets up with Clarke again, in Becca’s godforsaken lab, he really thinks he’s had it with her. He thinks that any friendship he could have had with her is burned. Because she’s going to kill Emori, and Murphy will never forgive her for that. 

_It’s all for my people._ Bullshit, and Murphy knows it. Griffin will put everyone on the line in the name of her people, but when it comes down to it they’re just sacrifices for those she deems worthy. 

And Murphy is so _mad._

Clarke doesn’t kill Emori. Clarke saves Emori. Murphy is left reeling. Because as much as he can’t forgive her, he owes her everything. And he starts to think maybe she’s not as selfish as the rest of them. It changes things. 

And then Murphy is losing his mind again because he keeps almost losing Emori. And they’re not giving a radiation suit to some random Azgeda spy when Emori’s suit is broken. 

Clarke gives up her suit. Easy as that. Saving Emori again. Murphy barely has time to acknowledge her, to thank her. But he hears Bellamy’s objections. 

_Clarke. What are you doing?_

_I have nightblood._

_Untested nightblood._

_We’re testing it now._

He hears his own fears in Bellamy’s voice and Clarke’s stubborn streak coming out. They were always evenly matched. 

And it’s that conversation that Murphy thinks about later when they’re on the Ring. It echoes in his mind on loop. Clarke has nightblood. It’s not something that anyone is willing to hinge their hopes on. 

Clarke is dead. It’s an indisputable fact that they need to accept for their own sanity. But a part of Murphy wonders. 

So he watches. He watches as Bellamy falls apart only to build himself up again, walls twice as thick. He watches as Monty and Harper grieve, together and apart, but start to grow anew. He watches Echo make a place among the rest of them, knowing that she doubts that place and that all of them have though at one point that it _should_ be Clarke with them, not her. He watches Emori try to keep the peace while knowing more than anyone that she’s here not once over but thrice because of Clarke. And he watches Raven keep it together for the rest of them, working harder and longer to get them back to the ground, to get the second chance Clarke gave them.

And while they all move through Clarke Griffin’s ghost, Murphy nurtures the kernel of hope he has. The small voice in his head that tells him she’s survived, that she’s down there waiting for them. And maybe it’s naivety. Maybe it’s Murphy’s own version of guilt, for what he never got to thank Clarke for, he spent so long against her he never got to mend those fences. 

(Maybe he doesn’t need to. Maybe he kept Clarke’s heart beating long enough through the City of Light only for it to die a few months later and it all was for nothing). 

But Murphy watches them, and this night in particular he watches as the six of them drink moonshine and reminisce about their days on Earth. Murphy drifts to the window and looks down at the planet. 

_You down there Griffin?_ He asks himself. 

Because he thinks maybe they were cut off the same cloth. Cockroaches through and through. Survivors and all that. He glances to Bellamy and Murphy hopes that his hunch is correct. Because Bellamy has healed but he’s not whole. And if the universe ever did anything right it would be reuniting those two fuckers so they could finally get there shit together. Hell knows how much they’ve been through. 

Emori comes up behind him and snakes her arm around him, puts her head on his shoulder. 

“What are you thinking about?” Emori asks quietly, stroking his arm. 

Murphy takes a swig of his drink and looks down at the barren wasteland that is the planet they fled.

“Second chances.”

* * *

**interlude**

**CLARKE - Year 4**

Clarke gets sick. Sicker than she has been in years, she’s not sure what causes it but she has a fever and no appetite. She throws up everything in her stomach and for three days she basically just lays in her bed and fades in and out of sleep. Her whole body aches and she switches between being sweltering and freezing. 

She knows it freaks out Madi. Of course it does. And it’s the hardest part of the entire thing really. Madi making some broth and fetching her cold water, pressing a cloth to her face and cleaning up her vomit. 

It’s atrocious.

And whenever Clarke has any sort of coherence she apologizes profusely. Madi however puts on a brave face and brushes Clarke’s stringy hair that hasn’t been washed in days out of her face. 

“It’s my turn to look after you.”

Clarke’s dreams though are absolutely spectacular. They are technicolour and painfully vivid. The first few days it’s moments from her past, seen in a new harsh light. Sometimes they’re hard to see, sometimes they’re fun. 

There’s a lot from the dropship days. A fair bit from her time on the Ark as well. The players in her life take on garish hues that nearly frighten her. But everyone feels so tangible, so real and alive that she almost doesn’t want to wake up. 

Then she has a particularly horrifying recollection. Her and Bellamy are back in Mount Weather, ready to pull the lever. But this time, when they do, instead of the Mountain Men it’s _their people_ who die. And she’s stuck with Bellamy and Monty in that room as they watch all their friends melt on the video cameras. Her mom and Bellamy’s sister. They’re all screaming. And then they look to Monty. He’s melting too. And then each other. 

Clarke wakes up panting. It’s dark and she can tell that the fever is breaking as she kicks off the top blanket Madi has laid out for her. She’s almost on the other side of this illness but her body is still fatigued. She reaches for the water Madi has left for her and looks across the room to where Madi herself has finally had a moment to doze off. She’s thankful she didn’t wake her. 

Clarke takes a big gulp of cold water and it refreshes her. 

She lays back down and closes her eyes again. Soon enough she’s drifting off to sleep. 

This time it takes a while for her to realize she’s dreaming, it seems too real. 

Clarke is walking in a hallway and it takes a moment for her to recognize it as a corridor from the Ark. She’s alone, but her feet are carrying her to wherever her destination is, they seem to know it better than she does. 

She rounds a few more corners and then comes to a door. She feels so content when she opens it up. 

Inside she sees Raven and Emori. Somewhere deep in her subconscious she is screaming. But in her dream she sees this as normal, as an everyday occurrence. 

“Clarke! Thank god you’re here, we need your help with this,” Raven calls her over and Emori flashes her a bright smile. 

The dream blurs for a while, it fades in and out of focus. At some point Echo comes into the room and asks Emori to come with her. When Clarke focuses again it’s because someone new has entered the room, interrupting her and Raven. 

“Lunch time!” it’s Monty, and he has bowls of algae. 

Clarke isn’t even put off, she’s so happy to be here. 

Harper and Murphy file in behind him and soon enough Echo and Emori return as well. Clarke can’t put her finger on what’s missing. 

They all talk amicably for a while as they eat their algae, nothing in particular happens but Clarke starts to feel uneasy. 

Then her dream self realizes and the words are out of her mouth before she can understand.

“Where’s Bellamy?” Clarke asks, panicked though she doesn’t know why. 

The room goes silent and they all turn to look at her. Suddenly their faces which were happy and easy going warp into something hostile. Echo grinds her teeth and Harper looks away pointedly. Raven narrows her eyes. 

“Bellamy’s dead Clarke,” Murphy grits out. 

Clarke can’t breathe, but she wants to scream. She wants to shout. Bellamy _can’t_ be dead. 

“ _You_ killed him. He stayed on Earth for _you._ You’re so selfish Clarke.”

She can’t tell who it is that says this but it doesn’t matter because then all of them are speaking at once, drawing closer and yelling. Bellamy’s dead. It’s Clarke’s fault and she can’t move, she’s rooted to her seat and all she can see is their angry faces, their cruel words, repeating the worst of her fears. She made it to the Ring, but Bellamy died. 

This time Clarke does wake up screaming. And before she’s even fully out of the dream Madi is beside her gripping her hand. 

“Clarke! It’s okay, you’re dreaming. Wake up Clarke!” Madi says, voice steady. 

Clarke blinks her eyes open and it’s bright out now. She feels more rested than she has in days and she knows she’s beat the sickness that plagued her, even as her breath comes in erratic gasps from her nightmare. 

“Bad dream?” Madi asks after a few more moments. 

And then Clarke hugs her, crushing her to her chest in relief. 

“I’m so glad I’m here with you Madi. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. If I could do it all again I’d choose to be here, even having to endure the wait,” Clarke says into Madi’s ear. 

And she realizes something, doing the math in her head. 

Only one year left.

* * *

**ix.**

**RAVEN**

Raven knows. She knows that when she rounds the corner and sees Bellamy holding that bottle, staring down at their devastated planet. She knows she will never get to grieve. 

_She saved us again._ It’s all she allows herself. 

She’s going to be strong for Bellamy, because that’s always been Clarke’s job. And Bellamy needs to do his job, to be strong for the rest of them. 

But damn. Sometimes she hates it. Sometimes she gets so angry when she thinks about it too long. Clarke was the closest thing she had to a best friend after Finn. (After Clarke killed him). And while her and Clarke had their fair share of issues, she cared for her just as much as the others, if not more. But she broke alone, in the privacy of her rooms and never fractured. Because that’s who she is. Raven Reyes, weight of the world on her wings and you’ll never hear her complain. 

But she thinks about it, about how Bellamy lost it, just a bit that first time and how he never slipped quite so badly again. 

_They stand in silence looking at the devastated planet. Raven’s promise seems to keep them tied in that moment, neither of them willing to break it._

_“Always.”_

_She means it, with everything left in her to give. Because five years is a long time. But all she can think is that it should be Clarke here. And her ghost hangs heavy in the empty space between them._

_After an indeterminable amount of time Raven makes to turn away, to leave Bellamy alone in his grief. But when she picks up her feet and turns her body Bellamy reaches through the space and grabs her arm. Not hard, but maybe a little desperately._

_She turns and his eyes are wet, she knows her own are too. His whole body seems to be shaking and she can feel it radiating into her arm where his hand stays._

_“Raven…” Bellamy’s voice is watery, on the brink of collapse._

_And she doesn’t think, she just reacts._

_Bellamy’s a lot taller than her, but she pulls him into her arms. She engulfs him and holds him close while the world continues to burn out the window._

_Bellamy crumbles. And she feels rather than hears as the sobs take him. And so she lets herself cry too, a few more moments of stolen grief before she knows she will have to put it away._

_Eventually they break apart as Bellamy’s sobs subside. They still hold each other._

_Bellamy’s face is blotchy and she imagines hers is the same._

_“Raven. I-I lo–,” Bellamy stutters before settling on, “I lost her.”_

_Raven knows what he wanted to say, what he almost did say. Not that he lost her, because they all had. But that he loved her. It falls into this perfect clarity, one that she thinks she always had. From the time that she saw Clarke jabbing her finger in Bellamy’s chest. From the time that Clarke went to Bellamy, behind Finn’s back about meeting with the grounders._

_Raven squeezes him tighter._

_“I know Bellamy. I know.”_

It’s been over five years and it’s not easier. But now, now they’re going to make it to the ground, they’re leaving tomorrow. And Raven watches Bellamy, sees him smile and joke with Murphy. Sees him beam while Emori talks about how excited she is to get to help land them tomorrow. She sees how he has healed. And she knows she made the right decision. The selfless choice.

None of them have stopped missing Clarke. None of them have stopped feeling guilty over her sacrifice. Least of all Raven. She plays it over and over again. How it was _her_ plan that got Clarke killed. But she tells herself that Clarke knew the risk when _she_ came for Raven in the first place. It’s a cycle, a vicious cycle that Raven can never win, not with Clarke dead and the rest of them about to return to Earth without her. 

She thinks idly about it sometimes, about returning to Earth and finding the bunker. Have they made it out? She thinks mostly of Abby. Because she’s already made that decision too. It will be her that takes the brunt of Abby’s loss. Not Bellamy, not the rest of them. But Raven. Raven can handle it. She has to. Abby can’t hate the man Clarke died loving, Raven won’t let it happen. 

Because now, with nothing but time, Raven has realized that too. She knew Bellamy’s feelings, had them confirmed that first day. She knows now that Clarke was there too, whether or not she had ever realized it herself Raven can’t be sure.

But Raven recalls all the little moments from when they were just the 100. And she puts it together with Clarke’s relief when they got through to Bellamy on the radio while he was in Mount Weather and the million other moments that made up _Bellamy and Clarke._ And she knows. She only hopes that wherever Clarke is she can see how Raven cares for Bellamy, how she tries to take care of him. How she’s doing her best. 

It’s Harper who pulls her out of her reprieve. She had been zoning out a bit, lost in her memories. The others are all across the mess hall, playing some last celebratory game and drinking moonshine before they leave tomorrow. 

“You okay Raven?” Harper asks, as she pulls up a seat and hands Raven a drink which she takes with gratitude. She could use it. 

“Just thinking,” Raven says and takes a sip.

But they all know each other well enough by now and so Harper narrows her eyes, she’s clearly more sober than the rest of the group right now. 

“About?”

Raven sighs, “Clarke.”

Sometimes honesty is all she has and right now she can’t bring herself to lie. It would almost feel like dishonouring Clarke. 

Harper doesn’t flinch. She doesn't even seem surprised. She just nods with understanding in a way only Harper can. 

“I think we all are. What with going back,” Harper looks across to the others, “Do you think he’ll be okay, down there now?”

It’s obvious she means Bellamy. The one for who the wound still bleeds the freshest. Raven thinks for a few moments. 

“Yeah. I hope it’s a new start for him. For all of us.”

Harper watches Bellamy and they sit in silence. Soon enough the other’s laughter makes it over to them and they’re being pulled into the festivities. Before Raven loses herself in this last night of just the seven of them she has one clear thought. 

_We made it Clarke. Aren’t you proud?_

* * *

**interlude**

**BELLAMY - Year 5**

As they board the ship, finally, finally after so many years stranded. All Bellamy can think is that they have a second chance. The ground _is_ their second chance. They’re a few weeks late granted, but for the next few hours they’re in the window of when they will hit the green patch that Raven has identified to be nearest to where the bunker is located and then they’ll be home.

He hopes. 

They could burn up in the fiery atmosphere, sure. But Raven seems confident. The rest of them trust her. And Bellamy’s latent fears can’t dim his excitement. 

In a few hours, with any luck, he’ll be seeing Octavia. 

Five years. It’s been five years since he’s seen her. She’s a grown woman now and he worries that they won’t know each other, that they’ll be familiar strangers. 

More often he worries about Abby. He’s imagined her face a thousand times when they land, when she goes from hope and joy to anger and sorrow once they emerge without her daughter. Without all she had left of her family. Bellamy anticipates that pain. 

“I just need to run the final checks. Emori, with me. The rest of you go strap in,” Raven’s booming instructions take him out of his thoughts. 

He had zoned out a bit, standing in the docking bay while everyone continued to move around him. But he decides that before they go down he needs to say something, to mark the momentous occasion, to commemorate their time here.

“Wait!” Bellamy calls and all eyes turn to him. 

Raven narrows her eyes. 

“Yes?” she demands. 

“Do I have a couple minutes?”

Raven’s eyes narrow further, “I suppose we can spare them.”

Everyone keeps their eyes on Bellamy. They’re standing in a bit of a loose circle. Monty and Harper by the entrance to the ship. Echo’s grabbing a few bags off to the left of the ship. Murphy’s right beside him, closer than Bellamy had realized. Emori and Raven take a few steps back from the computer where they had headed for their final checks. Everyone looks at him expectantly. 

_They follow you, you inspire them._

The words almost threaten to bring Bellamy to his knees. It’s the first time he’s thought of them in a while. But this time, with enough time finally behind him he finds strength there. Even years later Clarke is inspiring _him,_ and giving _him_ strength. Strength to be the one that the rest of them will turn to. He wishes he could thank her for that, for seeing that in him before he ever did himself. 

He takes a deep breath. 

“We’ve been through a lot together,” Bellamy begins, and all of them nod. 

“It hasn’t always been easy up here. We’ve had a rough go of it every step of the way, there’s no denying it. But I never doubted that together we could make it,” Bellamy says. 

Murphy rolls his eyes at the sentimentality. 

“Whether it be Monty’s algae, or Raven’s brilliant mind,” Bellamy starts to look around the circle at each of them in turn, “Harper’s unrelenting kindness and empathy. Echo keeping us in shape all these years. Emori’s dedication to getting us back to the ground. Or even Murphy’s….” 

Bellamy trails off and appraises the dear friend at his side who is grinning devilishly. Everyone’s smiling by then, embarrassed or prideful of Bellamy’s praise. 

“Murphy’s what Bellamy?” Murphy baits him.

But Bellamy stands his ground. 

“Murphy’s selflessness that was about as unexpected as anything we’ve encountered up here,” Bellamy smirks. 

And Murphy honest to god blushes for the first time in anyone’s memory and the rest of them join in heckling the last person they thought they’d end up spending five years with. 

Raven comes to Bellamy’s other side. 

“We couldn’t have done any of it without your faith Bellamy. In all of us,” she says and pats his arm. 

Bellamy looks at the ground, a smile spreads over his lips. And he almost decides to leave it at that. But he can’t help it, he can’t quite stop himself, so he goes on. 

“None of us would have made it without Clarke’s sacrifice,” Bellamy says and the mood sombers at once.

He sees several of them exchange worried glances but he forges ahead even as Raven’s grip on his arm tightens ever so slightly. 

“It’s no secret, and you’ve heard it before. But we go back today to honour Clarke’s memory and the chance she gave us. Because you’re right Raven. I’ve had faith in us all these years, but I was only able to do that because Clarke put her faith in me… And I couldn’t save her. But together we saved us, and I think. I know that’s what Clarke would’ve wanted. So, when we get to the ground and we get to live the rest of our lives, hopefully in peace, it will be up to us to keep her memory alive,” Bellamy says and is proud that he manages without his voice breaking. 

Around him the six of them nod in unison, coming to a silent agreement together. 

“Let’s get going then. Griffin wouldn’t want to be kept waiting,” Murphy says, voice a little hoarse. 

And so they start to move. Bellamy finds a certain peace as they disperse. It feels like they’ve accomplished all they were meant to.

* * *

**x.**

**UNKNOWN**

It becomes a kind of game for the Commander.

It’s the twelfth day of the seventh month the first time that a radio broadcast reaches them. It doesn’t broadcast through the whole ship, just through the open communication log that they have in Command Central. 

“Bellamy? Raven? Murphy? Can you hear me? Anyone? Mom? This is Clarke Griffin. I’m alive–”

Her voice breaks off in a sob but the broadcast, somehow, is so clear. Later it will seem like a cosmic joke to the rest of them that they’re receiving the mysterious Clarke Griffin’s messages and not the people she is intending them to. 

But when you have spent your whole life thinking you’re the last of humanity left on a spaceship still another hundred years from reaching Earth you get used to cosmic jokes. 

Jeviah Dennis doesn’t mean to get attached to Clarke’s messages. She’s the commander of the Interstellar-X Space Station and has a devotion to get their ship back to Earth in time for the next generations even though she will never see it herself. 

But when she first hears Clarke’s messages, and one of the tech guys pinpoints the signal as coming from Earth, for the first time she resents the fact that she won’t get to see the planet that their ancestors escaped. Because Clarke Griffin means that the ground is survivable, and that was something they didn’t think they’d see for several more generations.

Jeviah is fifty-six years old. She never married. No siblings. Her parents are gone. She barely has people she considers friends. And she has devoted her whole life to keeping this space station operable. She’s a harsh Commander, but she’s fair. She’s kept them alive. 

And from everything she’s heard about Clarke Griffin, she’s done the same for her people. Even if there’s more than thirty years between the two women, Jeviah feels a sense of a kindred spirit in her voice. 

She also knows that Clarke Griffin never could’ve done any of it without Bellamy Blake. 

She knows that not all of Clarke’s broadcasts reach them. And they have no way to reply, Jeviah has perhaps devoted _too much_ time and _too many_ resources to trying to get them to be able to respond back. More than is responsible. Even without the full picture of Clarke’s messages she knows that Clarke loves that man. The others, the other people on the Ark, and the ones in the bunker. They’re all important to her. The little girl Madi as well. 

But Jeviah can sense Bellamy is different. Different because Clarke talks about him in the same way Jeviah had talked about Eleanor when she still had her. 

She can see it so clearly. When Jeviah had been in her twenties, when she was the youngest council member in history, when her parents were alive, and when she had been hopelessly in love. 

But Eleanor. Eleanor was dynamite. And she was the best upcoming pilot they had, if she’d lived she would’ve become immortalized for her work. Jeviah supposes that she is immortalized for a different reason now. 

Eleanor had been the first to volunteer for an exploratory mission on an unknown planet that the council thought might be inhabitable long before they were able to make it to Earth. It could change things for them. It would have been revolutionary. 

Jeviah had fought bitterly against it, had fought with the council, with Eleanor. And it hadn’t mattered. 

Jeviah had stood on the loading dock, crying her eyes out while Eleanor said goodbye and promised to be back in a few months, hopefully with a new home for them. Jeviah can still remember the earnestly eager look on her face. She can still remember the gentle press of her lips on Jeviah’s, one last kiss goodbye. Can remember Eleanor’s red hair flying out behind her when she turned her back for the last time. 

Eleanor never came back.

The planet was toxic. The crew lasted two days, dying slowly, agonizingly. And Eleanor outlasted them all. Taking care of them right until the end. And on the last day, over the comms system Eleanor had said her true final goodbye. 

“Promise me Viah. Promise me, you’ll live. For both of us now,” Eleanor’s voice was a mere rasp, barely there as the toxins spread through her system, ravaging the girl she had loved. 

“I promise El. I promise,” Jeviah got out through her tears. 

She heard Eleanor's satisfied sigh, finally giving into defeat. 

“I love you, always.”

And that had been it. The abrupt end to Jeviah’s romantic life. She’d had no interest in it afterwards. Not after El. She’d cut deep. But she’d also kept her promise. She lived for both of them, for the entire ship. 

And that’s why now Jeviah endured the strange reactions from her colleagues as she kept meticulous notes on Clarke Griffin. Her messages, her hopes and dreams. The deepest secrets of her heart. The rest of them had lost interest after a few months. A blip of strangeness in the monotony of their life. 

But Jeviah can’t stop listening. Can’t stop hoping that one day she’ll hear Bellamy respond. Or maybe even better. The two star crossed lovers will be reunited, the galaxies bending space and time just this once. To give them what Jeviah had been robbed of with Eleanor. She could only hope.

* * *

**interlude**

**CLARKE - Year 5**

When the miners come down Clarke thinks it’s a miracle. At first she had thought that it was the others. It was only natural, even if it was three months early. Her hopes had been up. But there was still time. Everyday her heart seemed to beat louder towards the countdown. _If they don’t come down…_

But the miners, while a prisoner’s ship, were peaceful. They were compassionate to Clarke’s plight. Hell, she liked Shaw. And Diyoza, while intense, wasn’t anything that Clarke hadn’t dealt with before. So they had negotiated, agreed to share the valley and all that came with it. They agreed to work together to help rebuild humanity. It seemed too good to be true. 

But when they’d split open the bunker, wide, right down the centre and rigged Clarke into a harness to send her down into it, she knew that this was the break they needed. 

She could hardly remember all of it now. The chaos. The adrenaline that pulsed through every part of her body while she descended into the bunker that she had once tried to hoard for her own people. She feels like a different person entirely. 

Surprisingly, somehow, it was Octavia’s arms who found her first. Who held her so tight and locked her in the spot, only half out of her harness. 

“I knew you’d survived. I knew you had to. Oh Clarke. Thank god,” Octavia said into her ear and Clarke could hear the tears in her friend’s voice as she hugged her tighter. 

She was passed among others for a few minutes. Niylah and Miller. Gaia and Indra. Even Jaha finds her at one point. 

And then she hears her. 

“Clarke?” it’s her mom. 

Clarke turns and sees Abby. Kane standing beside her. They’re both wearing looks of shock, but also love and affection. Pure joy in every feature. 

She collides with her mom in a blur. And after a few minutes Kane joins them, unable to keep his happiness to himself. But Clarke doesn’t even mind. 

“Clarke. My baby. Oh my god,” Abby can’t get out a coherent thought, “You’re really here!”

“Yeah mom. I told you we’d be fine,” Clarke laughs through her own tears. 

Abby pulls back from the hug and Kane releases them both. She takes a few moments and just looks at Clarke, she seems to be committing her to memory all over again. Her short hair. Her clothes. All the subtle changes that take place over five years. 

“Where are the others? How’d you burst in through the roof? It hasn’t even been five years, how’d you know the ground was safe to come down yet?” Abby’s question untether Clarke, and suddenly she is adrift. Misstepping for the first time since she got down. 

She stutters. Somehow Octavia hadn’t had time to ask her those questions, to inquire after her brother. And Clarke finds she doesn’t know how to answer her mom. 

“They’re…” Clarke stops, “Mom. I didn’t. They’re not with me. They’re still in space. I never made it to the rocket in time. I’ve been on the ground.”

It seems to go silent around them as those who heard her take in her words. Abby’s expression clouds over. She looks terrified, then grips Clarke’s arm, seeming to see if she’s really alive. How could her daughter have survived all that?

“You were alone? Bellamy didn’t—”

Clarke doesn’t let her finish the thought. 

“Bellamy knew he had to leave. There wasn’t another choice. I had nightblood, I was the only one left who could do what needed to be done. He saved them, for me,” Clarke is trying not to break down, she thinks instead of Madi, “I wasn’t alone. I found a Nightblood child, I can’t wait for you to meet her.”

Abby seems to be trying to keep up. But Clarke knows her mom sees how she has stuttered over Bellamy’s name. 

Octavia interrupts them, coming from behind Clarke. 

“And my brother will be back in a few months with the others, they just don’t know it’s safe yet,” Octavia says and wraps her arm around Clarke’s shoulder. 

Octavia’s faith almost brings Clarke to her knees. Because she alone has been holding that faith for nearly five years. No confirmation. But she should’ve known that Octavia was down here, unwavering in her belief too. 

So Clarke gives herself a moment to be held here, by Octavia and her mom. To let herself start to heal again. She has time to tell them all that’s happened. To explain the last day before Praimfaya. To introduce Madi to everyone and explain their time together. To negotiate the relationship between Octavia’s people and the miners who saved them. She has time. 

And in a few months she’ll have the rest of _her_ people. 

* * *

**conclusion**

**BELLAMY - earth**

When they land Bellamy isn’t sure that they survived at first. The re-entry was rough, rougher than he thinks Raven or Emori anticipated judging by their shaken expressions. But Bellamy looks around and thinks everyone is accounted for. 

“Anyone hurt?” Bellamy asks as he unbuckles himself. 

There are murmurs of _we’re fine_ as everyone starts to move out of their seats in the extremely cramped space. 

“Five years in space and I’m already going to fuck up my muscles day one on the ground if we have to stay hunched in here much longer Reyes,” Murphy says just as Emori accidentally elbows him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him and proving his point. 

“Suck it up Murphy, we drew straws and you’re getting out last either way,” Echo reminds him of their predetermined promise. 

Murphy huffs but Bellamy thinks he hears Harper whispering that he can have her spot, third in line if Bellamy remembers. 

Bellamy gets to go first. And he thinks there was a conspiracy, he can’t prove it, but he knows that they all wanted him to have the honour to be the first one out and somehow concocted a “fair” plan that still ended up with him getting out first. He’s not going to fight it though. He’s been waiting five years to get back. 

“Are we good to open the hatch Raven?” Bellamy calls, he now has his bag and is on the ladder waiting for her instructions. 

Raven makes a noise of consent, “Sure. I’m just trying to assess the damage to the landing pads–”

Murphy cuts her off, “You’re second in line to get out Reyes, get over here. You don’t need to fix this piece of junk because we don’t need it after this.”

Raven narrows her eyes but moves over to behind Bellamy. 

“This piece of junk got us to the ground,” Raven mutters. 

There’s a tense air of excitement bubbling around them and Bellamy reaches for the hatch. Harper’s voice stop him though. 

“Wait! The air could be toxic!” Harper says, an almost perfect imitation of the words Bellamy had nearly forgotten.

Emori and Echo look clueless but the five of them exchange a brief glance. Bellamy grins despite himself. It’s about honouring Clarke’s memory now, and Harper’s eyes tell him that. She’s paying her tribute in the way she best knows. So Bellamy does his part and makes his voice gruff. 

“If the air’s toxic we’re all dead anyway,” Bellamy says and he turns the hatch open with one good crank. 

The light blinds them all for a few moments before Bellamy climbs out and down the outside. He’s still adjusting to it all, the view of Earth and the bright sky, the smells and the sounds when his feet reach the ground. 

He hears the other’s filing out behind him. Murphy’s snide comments and Echo’s excited exclamation at being back. He squints towards the horizon, his eyes are still focusing when he’s nearly knocked off balance. 

“Bellamy!”

Arms are around his torso and it takes him a few seconds to realize. But he looks down and sees the unmistakable brown hair. Recognizes her body clinging to him for dear life. 

It’s Octavia. 

And the tears come freely as he locks his arms around her. 

They stand there for a few moments, the rest of the world droning on in the background. Bellamy’s vaguely aware of other people around them, of all these simultaneous reunions going on, but he only cares about Octavia. He has to remind himself he’s not dreaming. 

Octavia pulls back, laughs through her tears. 

“You’re late!” she smacks his arm. 

Bellamy rolls his head back and laughs. 

“A matter of weeks O! We needed a bit of extra time.”

Octavia just shakes her head, clearly unimpressed. 

“We were starting to get worried,” she says.

 _We._ And for the first time Bellamy looks around. They’re surrounded by people, the people from the bunker must have seen their ship coming and got over here to greet them. He sees a few rovers, some horses. They didn’t waste any time. 

There are people around them everywhere, converging and wrapping up his friends in warm embraces. 

He sees Echo talking to a few former Azgeda that he doesn’t recognize. Harper and Monty are talking excitedly to Jackson and Miller. And god, Miller! Bellamy reminds himself to see him later, he feels like everything will be very busy here for the next little while.

Murphy and Emori look vaguely uncomfortable, talking to Jaha and a grounder Bellamy doesn’t know but he figures they’re alright. 

Then he turns to Raven. She’s just releasing Abby from a hug. Kane is there too, and a small grounder girl, that Bellamy doesn’t quite understand why she’d be there, looking excitedly around at all of them. 

“Bell!” Octavia tugs on his arm, “Let’s go.”

She drags him over to where Abby and Raven are standing, where they’re talking about something he can’t hear yet. Bellamy’s mouth goes dry as he comes to a stop just three feet from Abby Griffin. His stomach drops and he doesn’t know what to say. 

Him and Raven exchange a resigned glance. 

“Abby, there’s something that–” Raven starts, a somber expression clouding her face. 

But the grounder girl interrupts before she can continue. 

“You’re Bellamy!” she says, her smile stretching across her whole face. 

Bellamy looks at her confused, and Raven hesitates. They’re unsure what’s going on here. 

Kane, Abby, and Octavia all smile fondly though. 

“Hush Madi,” Octavia grabs the girl’s hand, “Give them a minute. I want to hear this.”

Octavia looks… amused. And Bellamy can’t figure out why. Abby and Kane turn their attention back to Raven and Bellamy. They look completely unconcerned and Bellamy doesn’t get it, surely they’ve realized Clarke hasn’t emerged by now. His mouth dries all over again. 

“Abby, we didn’t–” Raven starts again, but it’s Bellamy who interrupts this time. 

“Raven. Let me do this,” Bellamy says, voice dry and tears pricking behind his eyes. He has to do this. 

Raven looks at him desperately. And he realizes that she’s always planned this, always intended to take this burden from him. But he can’t let her, not this time. Her shoulders slump as she seems to understand. 

Bellamy squares himself and turns to Abby, looks at her dead on. He nearly can’t do it, he wants to collapse and to run and hide. Because there’s so much Clarke in her. She’s a Griffin through and through. Her eyes almost seem to dare him in the same way Clarke’s always did. He remembers the picture of Clarke they brought to have something to give Abby. But she looks so poised, so calm and unworried. It nearly puts him at ease. He gulps. 

“Abby. Clarke. Clarke didn’t make it,” Bellamy manages, “I’m so sorry Abby. I–” 

Bellamy’s words die in his throat as he meets her eyes. 

But Abby reaches a hand out to place on his shoulder. She gives him a small smile. And it doesn’t make sense. He senses Raven’s confusion too at his side. He glances to Octavia, hoping for some understanding. 

But she’s still holding the grounder girl, who’s looking distressed all of a sudden. Octavia’s eyes aren’t on either of them, they’re on a spot in the distance and she’s grinning. 

Bellamy turns his head slowly, aware of Abby’s hand on his shoulder still and how Kane’s eyes are watching him intently. Raven turns with him. 

And the crowd is parting slowly, moving out of the way. All their heads are turning and they seem to be making way. For some reason Bellamy’s heart is pounding and he can’t make it stop. 

Then the crowd parts just a bit more and the first thing Bellamy sees is a peak of blonde hair. 

And then she steps into view. 

He hears Raven’s intake of breath, he’s only distantly aware of it. The same way he’s aware of Octavia’s airy laugh and Abby’s hand rubbing his shoulder methodically. 

It’s Clarke. Alive. Against every odd, against every single fact he knows to be true. Clarke Griffin is alive. And Bellamy freezes. 

She’s smiling. It threatens to blind him. Her hair is shorter, and he thinks he sees a piece of red in it but she’s practically glowing as she keeps getting closer and closer to him. He relearns her, even against his will, every step she takes is another for Bellamy to check and see if she’s real. And she’s more vital than any hallucination he’s had before. Somehow that scares him more. 

And suddenly she’s in front of him. Bellamy still can’t move. 

She hasn’t stopped smiling. 

The entire clearing is silent. He knows everyone’s eyes are on them, every person here watching as he comes to understand that Clarke didn’t die. That her death isn’t on his hands. That miraculously she survived. 

“I told you to hurry,” Clarke says, her lips quirking at the edges. 

And the spell breaks. Bellamy feels air fill his lungs. It stings. 

He lets out a barking laugh, feeling a bit lightheaded himself. 

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting Princess,” Bellamy grins, this can’t be real. 

Clarke presses her lips together and laughs silently as her eyes squint up and he sees a few tears leak out. It’s been a long time since he’s seen her laugh at all. 

She opens her eyes and they step towards each other at the same time. 

For a few brief moments the world shifts on its axis, and something that was so essential to the very fabric of the universe for so long finally comes together. 

Bellamy catches her in his arms and instead of hugging her, he captures her in a kiss. 

Because this one fact remains true. Five years have passed since they saw one another. They’ve lived entire other lives apart. And he doesn’t know if she still feels the same way. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because they are Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake and they have defied space and time before, they are doing it again. Their lips collide and the world around them fades away. 

And all around their tiny infinitesimal moment of joy, glances are exchanged. Knowing looks and smiles years in the making. It has led them to this.

**CLARKE - home**

Hours later when they’ve gotten everything from the rocket and a proper party has been put together for their return Clarke will stand by a great roaring fire with Bellamy. She will almost wait for the shooting stars.

(They haven’t left each other’s side at all since he landed. Exchanging years of stories one by one as the day progressed. Their fingers intertwining every so often, the casual touches lingering like a burning wire). 

And they will stand there, Bellamy with his arm around her waist and Clarke with her hand in his pocket and she will know that this is all she has waited for. Everything she has endured was for this moment specifically and she will feel at peace. All the people she loves together at last. Bellamy back and her in his arms.

And when they’re a few drinks in, electric with just being alive, Murphy will call out to the group. 

“Okay, now who has the best story of when they _knew_ these two were going to get together,” he will say, his voice only slightly mocking as he gestures between Bellamy and Clarke. 

And there will be groans, eye rolls, and ‘I told you so’s’ chorused around. 

But Clarke will look up into Bellamy’s dark eyes, watch as her blue ones are reflected there in the flickering firelight, and she will find that she can’t even bring herself to blush. What is there to be embarrassed about after all? They got there in the end.

* * *

_**hold me through the night, only then will we be alright.** _

**Author's Note:**

> well. i hardly know what to say. this took me like six weeks to write even though its only 20k. it's my hardest undertaking to date because i had all these seemingly disconnected ideas that i had to try and fit into a cohesive narrative. 
> 
> i really hope you enjoy it and leave a comment so we can love bellarke together in the comments. thanks for reading <3


End file.
